guys i'm going to start crying
theres no need to read this whole thing... i guess it's just going to be one big giant vent. well, i guess it started about.. four months ago. i was in 8th grade, and i had a giant crush on a 6th grader. he was on my bus. his name is Damon. well anyways, he never really knew i existed, until one night, my 5th grade brother played his baseball team. i started talking to his little sister. we talked for a while, and she eventually found out i liked him. so, naturally, she told him. his sister wanted me to babysit her, so i gave her my phone number. later that night, he texted me. i was so excited. more excited than excited. i was ecstatic. keep in mind, i was helplessly infatuated with a 6th grader. anyways, the next week was the talent show, which i was directing, and he was in. we were flirting, to the extreme in the hallway. then i found out he had a girlfriend. i was upset. really upset. right when i thought our flirtationship was over, my friend told me that she had heard that his girlfriend was to make "someone" jealous. then i realized that "someone" was me. as if on cue, he broke up with his girl about 3 days later. we continued to flirt. we texted eachother almost every night. i felt like i could tell him anything. and emily, if you're reading this and shaking your head, i can tell you right now that i didnt tell you everything. but then, we started drifting apart. one night, after he hadnt texted me for about three days, he told me that my brother said i didnt like him anymore. now heres the part where i get confused. i guess i didnt really like him anymore, but i never told anyone that; not even my friends. then he stopped texting me. it would be like two weeks between conversations. i didnt really notice, but i missed him. tonight, i texted him first for the first time.
me: hey
him: what's up?
me: ehh the usual. why don't we talk that much anymore?
him: you think you're too good for me because you're a highschooler.

i almost broke down in tears. i feel like a horrible person. why do i always push people away? i feel like i just lost a part of me that i never even knew i had. if you actually read this.... well no one actually read this but it's nice to pretend someone did. how can you miss something you never even became attatched to? how can you be ready to cry over something you never even had? how can you feel loss when you never even had a gain?