Why?

I just don't get it...  Why do I want you so bad?  I know it's not good for me, and I know I can't have you.  So why am I doing this?  Why do I feel so lonely when we don't talk?  Why do I care how I look in front of you?  Why do you appear in my dreams every night?  Why do we hold hands, and go on dates, and kiss, if it's not that way in real life?  Am I trying to hurt myself?  

I can't date you...although part of me wishes I could, because you have a way of making me happy whenever we're together, no matter how upset I was before.  But I know it's not good for me, and it wouldn't be a good relationship anyway, so I can't...I mean, if a relationship was what I wanted, I'd get more jealous, wouldn't I?

I just wish you'd get off my mind... You're not online, and I feel so lonely.

(sorry for long vent...)