THIS IS A HACK. i REPEAT, THIS IS A HACK.

Dear Hailey,

Well... there really no way of getting around this, so I'll just say it. Ihavefeelingsforyou. Was that to fast? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize life was to fast for you, b*tch. I have feelings for you. Now, life won't always do that. And I'm pretty sure everyone here thinks I'm a weird person who is trying to abduct you. Let me be very clear, I am.

Don't be afraid though dear grasshopper, I will probably not hurt you in a way that you can't see. That didn't make sence did it? Good. Hey b*tch hey...

I'm sure we'll end up f*cking our husbands on the counters, though, in the meantime, I would really like to discuss what we're doing with our lives. No sexual contact between us has occured... yet. Imput sexual winky face here.

Oh sexy Hailey, oh sexy Hailey, how I love you so-oh. Sing that to the melody of that one song that sounds like that. Boom, roasted. Sometimes I think in a British accent. Whoa, where is this hack going dear prince o' mine.

Hallow be thy name. More like, shallow be thy DJ. Boom b*tch. He's a goner. All the sensitive ones get eaten. Oh, bother, I'm cutting you out of the deal blondie. Here comes the smolder.

I really hope you're laughing at this point in the hack because otherwise I feel totally and completely usless. F*ck my bladders full. Get some hoe. What would you do if I turned out to be some huge major sl*t that f*cked every guy I saw. Warning young soon to be wh*res, this letter contains swearing, take caution before read... wait. Never mind the letter already started. My bad. Keep reading b*tches.

Go suck on something sweet you wh*re. Read that in a stern voice out loud to whoever is in the room. Boom, grounded. Hahahaha, I crack myself up. No I don't, I'm sober five years assh*le. B*tches be jealous. They see me rollin', they hatin'.

Okay, I think this letter is done. Much love and compassion, only the dirty kind though, got to keep this clean for the kids.

-Abby (wordsofagirl)