ICan'tHelpIt

Being dead is a strange feeling.

 Oh, I know what you're thinking. When you're dead, you can't feel it. Yes, I know that, and I guess technically I'm not dead. But I feel dead. Sometimes, I even pretend I'm dead. Kind of morbid, I know, but it helps me cope. I'll just lie in the middle of the floor, motionlessly.
 I can also tell what you're thinking RIGHT NOW.
 Wow. She's so wierd.
 Well, guess what. I'm not emo, or punk, or gothic.
 I'm a high school girl.
 People get jealous of me.
 Apparently, I have "everything".
 I have long brown hair, blue eyes, "perfect" body, friends(sort of), and a happy exterior.
 I draw people in. I'm always surrounded by people. Fake people, to be exact. They're just interested in getting to be in the "in-crowd".
 I am NOT cool. I wouldn't want to be friends with me.
 But enough about me. That junk up^ there is really boring. I wouldn't want to read it, so don't feel bad if you didn't really. If you just skimmed it. You know, like the way you read your History textbook. Sorta reading, but mostly staring at your hot History teacher. Anyways..
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 "Oh, HEY Lexi!"
 "I love your jacket, Alexa."
 "Wow, your hair looks so nice that way! You HAVE to tell me how you do that, Lex!"
 I glance at the ground as I pass the stares. I've always hated having people stare at me. So this whole, Alexa-is-so-cool deelio going on here, really bugs me. I'd rather be behind the scenes.
 Which is why I always used to be the loner. I was happy that way. No one bugged me.
 Buuuuut, then Cory came along.
 Cory's the super cool, tall, strong, hot, jock senior. Everyone likes Cory. Well, except for the "nerdy" guys. Cory sort of makes fun of them.
 Cory also happens to be my boyfriend.
 I think you understand now how this whole thing is making me crazy.
 All I did was start dating this guy. It's not like I saved a kid from choking or pulled a puppy out of a sewer hole. Cause I didn't. All I did was go to the movies with some dude.
 Like seriously.
 "Heyyyyyy Alexa! What's up?!" Ella jumped up and down as she raced to catch up with me.
 "Not much," I answered, short and sweet. I actually really don't like Ella. She's the kind of girl I avoided.
 Ella is my "best friend". Don't believe that whole "best friend" word-thing. She's not. She's awful. And she always hated me. UNTIL I started dating Cory. And BAM! We're best friends..
 "You look so hawt today, galfriend! I jealous," Ella flips her pin-straight blond hair and digs in her purse for some sticky glitter lipgloss. Ew.
 "Ha, thanks. You too." I roll my eyes as she stares lovingly into her pocket mirror. How artificial can you get?
 "Why thank yaa! You are just too adorable. Waow. Did you SEE what Melissa was wearing today? Uhh, hello?! Why on earth would you wear a dress that goes to the ground? And that yellow TOTALLY washes her out. There is something off about her. I think she's hiding something. She's so ugly. I wish she would learn about the miracle of makeup. What, does she live in a cave?" Ella talks louder than she should be, and tilts her head towards Melissa, who is standing a few feet away and can obviously hear every word.
 "I don't know," I mumble into my locker.
 As Ella continues to talk endlessly and pointlessly, Cory walks through the hallway.
 I swear, EVERYONE gets quiet. Including Ella. They all turn to Cory, then to me, then back to Cory.
 Yeah, I guess he's "breathtaking" or whatever. I don't know. I guess I kind of like him, but, I'm not in love with him like the rest of the school. I can't help it. He's not really my type.
 "Hey babe," Cory grabs me by my waist and pulls me towards him.
 "Hi, what's up?" I try to push myself away just a little bit.
 "Just thinking 'bout how bad I want you right now." He pulls me even closer.
 "Haha, yeah, me too.." I push away again, and start to walk away.
 He pulls my shoulder and I stumble backwards into a janitor's closet with him, which isn't that unusual for couples to do in between classes. But I'm not that kind of girl. "I think you need to take off that dress, baby," He whispers in my ear so only I can hear him.
 "I," I struggle to get away from him, but he's too strong. "I, uh, I need to get to class."
 "You know what I want. I've waited too long already." He pushes me against the wall.
 "No," I duck around him and grasp the doorknob. "I need to go!"
 "WHY?!" Cory yells, and then lowers his voice, which makes it scarier. "God. Just stop this teasing thing. I just want YOU. Not the teasing."
 I try desperately to turn the doorknob, but you grabs my arm. And it hurts.
 Then, it happened.
 The first time he hit me.




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