~leech~
i dont know what to do, i want to cry so bad. my heart feels like its swelling and might explode from the infection. i feel numb. i dont want to move or speak, i just want to sit here and be swallowed in self pity. i just feel empty. i dont feel like i have a purpose. i have that pain in my throat from trying to keep myself from crying. but why am i hiding this> i dont care who is watching, who sees. i just want to let the tears escape from my eyes. just let them fall. i dont know what i should do and i dont even know what i want. i dont know if i want to just continue to try to forget him or if i want to cling to him, i need him. i feel so selfish because if he does still feel the way he used to, i wpuldnt  want him back for that reason. i would want to have him back because i need him. i miss him. i miss being proud to say he was mine. i miss the way we would both turn shy if people were around. i miss how he would help shove out all of the negative in my life and fill my mind with thoughts of him.