Im 15 at the moment and something from my childhood that always bothered me is starting to REALLY mess with my head..
None of my friends are really the type of friends that i can tell something too and they would listen and give good advice..
Soo i thought that maybe if i told it on here that one person would read this and help me..

When i was four years old i lived in a neighborhood with kids that were all in there teenage years..
I would hang out with all of them because they thought i was soo cute..(like all little kids are)..
And when myparents were busy i guess the teenages would babysit me but it would be outside or at there houses and we would play dolls of something...

And one day one of the older girls i liked to hang out with (i honestly forget her name...but i remember she was fourteen years old) asked me if i wanted to play doctor..
Doctor was one of my favorite games to play!..
Soo i said yes and she took me up to her room..
I never went up to the girls rooms soo this was kind of odd to me..

Soo we walk into the room and  she said "Your getting older now...shouldnt u play big girl doctor?"
I was at that stage where i wanted to be a big girl soo i said "YES!"
And then she said i needed to get undressed for a check-up...

She got that little fake shot thing that comes in every doctor kit and i think you might be able to imagine what she did with that....

Then she said... "Did u ever see in the big girl movies that when they play doctor the doctor kisses the patients?"..
I had no idea  what she was talking about but i said "yes."
Then she kissed me...with tounge....
I was young but i knew it felt wrong...

After this....i said "Now its your turn!"
She said "no its time for you to go home now"
She walked me home and told my parents everything and i never saw the girl again..

Well i always overlooked this but now at parties my friends go around kissing guys and playing kissing games and other stuff but whenever i get my chance to kiss a guy i start crying...
I remember the day...the girl...

For the past week i woke up crying cause i have a dream that it happends again....

Thankyou for reading...