this is stuipd, everything i am thinking about...i want to throw up everything that i eat now...i have down it in the past and i felt like i was feeling better i was losing weight i felt better about myself..my boyfriend calles me beautiful, he has told me that i am perfect the way i am...but i just look at myself and complete digustingness. i see a girl who is fat, ugly, no confindence, a girl who no boy will ever love...my boyfriend tells me that he know he will love me someday that it's just to early to say that and i totaly agree with him. Just i dont know what he sees with in me, i see nothing when he sees an amazing girl he says...ugh i just hate this i want to lose weight but i can't if i do i will either strave myself or throw of everytime i eat thats the only way i see i can do it...i play alot of sports too so if i do any of those i will probably become ill and i dont want to do that to myself and also if i do anything like that my boyfriend will mostly break up with me, and i really dont want to lose him. this is just a bunch of nothingness forget all of this. i just am scared i might turn into something i am not...