This is all going to
be honest. I just need to vent. I'm crying right now. And for
the weirdest reason. Most girls cry because they can't find
their true love, they think they're fat, ugly, they have a
low self easteem. Well, that is partially true for me. Some days
I look at my self in the mirror and think maybe I am actually
pretty. But that never happened before Him. He's the kid that
everyone calls "gay". You know, he's the clingy
boyfriend type. I'm in love with him. I feel like I can
finally do things right for once. I feel like I can be happy
again. I just want to grow up and get married and start a family.
I hate being a teenager. It sucks. I hate my friends at home. I
want to be home-schooled. I feel like I'm depressed all the
time and the only thing that actually keeps me here, keeps me
alive is Him. I'm crying right now. Not because I don't
have a Him. But because I'm scared. I love Him so much.
I'm scared I could loose him. I'm so unusure of where our
realtionship is going it was so good for so long and now suddenly
I'm not in town on the weekends and... We're fighting
more. We don't see eye to eye anymore. I just want to kiss
him. That's all I want. I want Him to hold me in his arms and
lay with me and tell me everythings going to be alright. But,
theres so many things stopping us from doing that. My skiing, my
best friend, his parents, school... I don't know. I feel like
I'm liked by such few people these days. He's the only
person I actually care deeply about. I want to run away with Him.
Just me and Him. Alone. How great would that be? It hurts how
much I love Him. It tears me apart inside when I can't be
with him. Which is a lot. I just don't want to loose him. I
want to marry him. I'm only 13 but I know we're going to
get married. I know it. I love him enough to. And I wish I could
show him how I really feel. I wish I could show him how much I
love him. I don't understand the way I act around him. I feel
obnoxious. I feel like I hurt his feelings too much. I need to be
nicer. I need to be sweeter. I need to be more of a girlfriend. I
hate myself. I hate the person I've turned into. I just want
to grow up.
