Part
2
Instead of going home, I sat in the
field, thinking of her. The way the sun hit her face, making
her glow. Her tan skin and long legs. The way the stupid girl
was still wearing shorts in the middle of October. Slowly, I
started drowning in my thoughts centered around her. I
drifted in and out of a restless sleep all night, until I
finally got up at five in the morning.
I
walked through the woods, finally seeing a road after hours
of of searching in circles. The sun was finally starting to
come up and the sky was painted with pale pinks and blues, as
I made my way down the road. Two more hours of dragging my
feet, yawning, cursing and groaning later, I was where I
needed to be. Katrina's house. No cars were in the
driveway, so I didn't even bother knocking. I went to the
back of the familiar house, one that was more home to me than
my own, and saw her window open. I hopped on top of a wobbly
table, grabbed the edge of her window sill, and pulled myself
in, after minutes of trying. Looking around, I saw she
wasn't anywhere in her room or bathroom. I was about to
walk out of her small, cluttered room until I saw a note. A
bright yellow stickey note, on top of her book. I walked to
her bed where it sat, kicking books, clothes, shoes and bags
out of my way. I picked up the note and read two simple
words. Gone forever.
It
didn't take me long to figure out what that meant.
Katrina was gone. She went to live. That crazy, insane,
stupid girl left. I wondered if her parents knew. If
that's why they were gone. If she knew she was leaving
and decided not to tell me. I closed my eyes and breathed for
a second, not believing what had happened. I sat on her bed,
taking in her scent. Strawberries, wine, nail polish and a
hint of coconut perfume. It hit me like a ton of red bricks.
I thought of yesterday and how perfect it had been.
***
I saw
Katrina running barefoot across the field, tilting her head
back and laughing. She looked like a child. She seemed the
happiest and most care-free I'd ever seen her. Grass
stains were covering her shorts, her hair was tangled and
dirt ran up her calves. I was leant against a log, lazily
watching her. I laughed as she did, my heart swelling. She
was with me, alone, and so happy. Then, she sauntered over to
where I was sitting, out of breath, and collapsed next to me.
She threw her legs over mine and grabbed a book from her
tattered, worn-out bag. She went from hyperactive child to
relaxed adult in just a moment, amazing me at how fast she
did.
"What are you reading?" She didn't respond, but
turned the book towards me, revealing a cover written
in white cursive, with a silver chain and key on it.
"Well what's it about?"
She
looked at me for a moment, with a small smile and bringing
her mouth close to my ear whispered, "Read it, then
you'll know." Her breath was cool and minty on my
face, leaving a small tingling. She was so close to me at
that moment, and I wanted more than anything to kiss her
right then. But I couldn't. She was the corageous one. I
was the one who hid my feelings and envied her boyfriend, the
luckiest man on Earth. And I hoped to God he knew how lucky
he was, and that he told her everyday.
***
I
snapped out of my thinking, the memory searing me. Giving me
physical pain. If only I had kissed her. If only I had told
her I loved her, that she was my light, that she was the
beauty of my world. Maybe she wouldn't have left. If only
I'd had the courage she did. Maybe just a fraction of the
courage she had. But maybe it wasn't too late to start
gaining courage. No, I had no idea where she was, but I
needed to find myself. And maybe when I found myself, what
made me truly happy, I'd find her, too. Just maybe
I'd have the courage I should have had last night. But it
was all in the past, and I needed to start looking
ahead.
I
left her house and went to mine, sneaking in through the
window. I grabbed an old bag and threw eight shirts, a
jacket, five pairs of pants, shampoo, body wash and a picture
of us into it. It was time for me to live. Not just live
'okay,' but to find something better. To listen to
Katrina and be truly happy. So I hopped out of my window and
did exactly what she did: I left my life to start
living.
