confession #4
i need to confess some things to my friends.

Dear Alyssa,
how could you do that? first of all, how could you lie to me?
for months. i believed you, i really did. and it was all a big fat lie. then, you tell me i make you want to kill yourself? and that i complain too much? and to shut the f**k up, you wish you have what i have? and that i try to act depressed, but i'm really not? how dare you say that. how dare you even think that. there is a lot of stuff that you don't know, and this is why. you end up yelling at me, and i know, i yell at you too. but still. i'm not depressed? i wish. i wish i was happy. i wish i was skinny. i wish i was pretty. and you can stop lieing to me about Michael. just date him already, damn. i know you like Brody and Domenick, but still. you just said you like Michael too. i'm sick of you lieing. and i'm sick of us fighting. and i'm sick of you acting different when Morgan is around. it just doesn't make sense. if i am ruining your life so much, why do you still choose to have me in it? make up your mind. you either accept my flaws, or you don't. i want to be friends with you, but sometimes, you make it so hard. i'm sorry, this will probably sound really mean. but you did the exact same thing to me.. but 20x worse. i bet you didn't know that you're the one that caused me to start cutting again. i bet you thought my smiles were real. i bet you thought i was okay. i bet you were thrilled when i said i wasn't mad/sad. i bet you feel terrible when you read this. or not. i don't even know anymore. well, i could say a lot more. but then it would get ugly.. just know that it's your choice if we make up though.
Love, Jenna.