Chapter 4
  Tears began streaming down my face. Why me a voice inside my head screeched. "Why me" I whispered, "Why me?" This life isn't what I wanted. It's so hard to deal with my life all the time. One day I'm just going to break. I can't hold it together this easily anymore. The smile I wear is fake. People say I'm so beautiful I wouldn't believe them because I've been told all my life that I'm not. 
     I wish someone saw what I've been doing. How all I want is one person to break down the walls I've built up. Just someone to actually love me. I laid back down and curled up on my side. When I closed my eyes all I saw was my father with his red rimmed eyes and his rumpled composure as he leaned over to make me please him in every way that I could. 
     That was the last thought I even had before I fell asleep. I woke up again around 9 o'clock. I no longer had that feeling of dread and helplessness I had whenever I thought of my father. He hated us I think. He would beat all of us whenever he came home. He was never home long though. I was always scared because you never knew when he would be home.
     I always wore long sleeves and pants. The bruises he left and the cuts I made were so horrible I knew someone would notice. I started cutting at the age of 7. I knew what it was because I saw it on a movie once. "She said it made her feel better and I wanted to try"  that's what I told my mother when she saw what I had done. I promised I wouldn't do it again but I lied. I did it every night.
    Nothing would make me feel better than the feeling of that blade slicing through my young flesh. The blood washing away the hurt that tears no longer could. I grew up to early, too fast. I never got a childhood. Never got to experience the innocence of childhood. But, those years are over now the voice said to me. I went downstairs pajama  clad and wanting cheerios.
    I pulled out a bowl, the cheerios box, the milk, and a spoon. With my breakfast put together I walked back up the stairs to my bedroom thats bright and sunny. I cranked up my music and sat down on my bed. Escaping my life through the music. I finished my breakfast and walked to the bathroom connected to my room. "Shower first," I began to say just thinking aloud. I turn on the water and peel off my pajamas. As I step into the steamy spray of my shower. I look down at my body while scrubbing it. I have scars everywhere. "Why can't I look like a model," I whisper, "Why can't I be beautiful?" I open the curtain and dig through the bag right on the sink next to my shower. I find the familiar coolness of my blade in my closed hand. Honey I'm home and with that thought I began me journey back to what I was.