Weather Comparisons

 

+50 degrees Fahrenheit

 

New York tenants try to turn on the heat
People from Ontario plant gardens

 

+40

 

Californians shiver uncontrollably

 

Albertans sunbathe

 

+35

 

Italian cars don't start

 

+32

 

Distilled water freezes

 

+30

 

You can see your breath

 

You plan a vacation in Florida

 

Politicians begin to worry about the homeless

 

Manitobans eat ice cream

 

+25

 

Lake Ontario water freezes

 

Californians weep pitiably

 

Cat insists on sleeping on your bed

 

+20

 

New York water freezes

 

San Franciscans start thinking favorably of L.A.

 

Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

 

+15

 

You plan a vacation in Acapulco

 

Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you

 

B.C. residents go swimming

 

+10

 

Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

 

Too cold to snow

 

You need jumper cables to get the car going

 

0

 

New York landlords turn on the heat

 

Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs on the patio, yum!

 

-5

 

You can HEAR your breath

 

You plan a vacation in Hawaii

 

-10

 

American cars don't start

 

Too cold to skate

 

-15

 

You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

 

People from Miami cease to exist

 

Canadians lick flagpoles

 

-20

 

Politicians actually do something about the homeless

 

People in NWT and Yukon think about taking down screens

 

-25

 

Too cold to kiss

 

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

 

Japanese cars don't start

 

Ottawa Rough Riders head for spring training

 

-30

 

You plan a two-week hot bath

 

Pilsener freezes

 

Bock beer production begins

 

NWT residents shovel snow off roof

 

-38

 

Mercury freezes

 

Too cold to think

 

Canadians do up their top button

 

-40

 

Californians disappear

  

Quebecers put on sweaters

 

-50

 

Congressional hot air freezes

 

Alaskans close the bathroom window

 

Green Bay Packers practice indoors

 

-60

 

Walruses abandon Aleutians

  

Ontarians put gloves away, take out mittens

 

Boy Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby

 

-70

 

Glaciers in Central Park

 

Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets

 

Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie

 

-80

 

Polar bears abandon Baffin Island

 

Girl Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby

 

-90

 

Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro

  

Ontarians migrate to New York thinking it MUST be warmer south of the

 

border

 

-100

 

Santa Claus abandons North Pole

 

Canadians pull down earflaps

 

-173

 

Ethyl alcohol freezes

 

-297

 

Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere

 

Microbial life survives only on dairy products

 

-445

 

Superconductivity

 

-452

 

Helium becomes a liquid

 

-454

 

Hell freezes over

 

-456

 

Quebec drivers drop below 150 KPH on highways

 

 

-460 (absolute zero)

 

All atomic motion ceases

Canadians start saying how it's a tad nippy outside