and we are always going to be next to each other somehow
because the alphabet goes from j to k.
the alphabet never lied to me before
so why arent you still right here next to me?
the pain is blinding
deffening
silencing
imobilizing
and its making me drown
you were the lifeguard
the one who guarded my life with your own
and you saved me from a place when i was drowning
that night when we first danced
the beginning of that night hurt so much
but in the end you saved it. 
and you saved me
you made me feel amazing
you made me feel human
and you made me feel better again
you got me to soar above everything else when your lips touched mine. 
you made me feel like i could conquer anything
but the best thing 
was that you gave me confidence
you gave me a reason to live
when i felt like i couldnt anymore
and now
i just want you to give me the reason why
because without the closure 
all that ive done
is watched the break in my heart 
get bigger and bigger
and now i need you the most
and your gone
and i cant do anything about it until you come back
why did you leave me 
what happened that day.
what happened to the one i love
because he's gone and been replaced with someone that no one knows
and its not only me who knows it.
its everyone else
its everyone who used to care
everyone who was your friend
and everyone who wishes you would be yourself
dont tell me you grew up
dont tell me that this is who you are
dont tell me anymore of those lies
because i know that this isnt who you really are
and this doesnt happened to someone who has grown up
especially because things like this
dont just happen the way they do
and honestly if i didnt care about this
honestly if i just didnt care about how you felt now. 
then i dont think itd be like this,
but no its not like that.
its not like that at all
i just want to see my friend back
and so do all of your old friends
we all do
we just want our friend back
i want my best friend back
and i want that laugh i could always count on. 
that contagious smile
that person that everyone liked
and that talked to everyone
and maybe its true that i still like you
and maybe its true that i want you back
and maybe its true that i cant live without you
and maybe all of that is true
but the real thing that is surly true
is how much 
i miss you. 
and how much everyone else
misses you
and not the physical you
but the actual you
the personality 
the humor
the smile
and 
the friend
what i miss about you is more than just that
but thats just from me.
yet something's gone wrong
and i am not the only one who doesnt like it
i am only one of the many. 
and yes maybe we both made mistakes 
and maybe we both could have been wrong at times
but we worked through that before and we could have kept on doing that
but first lets make everything the way we want it.
lets at least talk
lets at least be happy to see each other
lets at least be able to smile
lets at least be able to hear a joke
lets at least be able to have
the real
same
old
you. 














MAJOR venting </3
ugh.
i dont care how long its been.
this means a lot.
and yes i know its really long.
but no stealing
dont make it pretty
dont take parts of it
leave it the way it is
thank you. 
good bye.