And when i'm desperately wishing for you sign on, i get my hopes up thinking you might actually. Maybe in the next couple minutes you will. But no! I left you an IM trying to express how i feel and apologize and all i get in return is an idc, w.e., or an okay... I know that's what i'll get this time too. But again and again i think that this time might be different, you'll actually say something back to me besides it's okay. One day you might come through with that. Who knows? But for now i'm sitting here wishing you could do better.
 I guess all i want is for you to understand, get me. I know you never will, but i can dream. All the pain i've felt has been caused by you. Or at least that's what i tell myself every day. I know it's me. I'm mad at myself, and i just cause more pain. I get that but it just doesnt' help. I daydream that one day you will know what it's like to be me, that you'll finally treat me as a true friend. Not just someone you lie to. I guess you say we're friends but i know you're saying that to make me happy. Maybe try to satisfy me with that. I know you hate me or something close to it. But it kills me to know you can't admit it. And here i am venting to strangers cause it might help me feel better...just a little. I'm pouring my heart out to you, yet i'm not. I wish i could say all these things to you, but i know i'll only recieve an idc, w.e., or okay... but i don't deserve that. I deserve more. Or at least i hope to think i deserve better. For now, though, i'll stick to venting hoping i'll feel better soon. And hoping you might just care.

-Comment if you feel the same way or you actually took the time to read this. And sorry it's so long.