rush

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Member Since: 5 Dec 2011 04:14am

Last Seen: 14 Apr 2013 05:01am

Birthday: October 12

Location: Sydney

Gender: F

user id: 247035

736 Quotes
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rush
posted a quote
September 1, 2012 3:45am UTC

You're hurting me just as bad as he did.

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rush
posted a quote
August 31, 2012 11:04pm UTC

This year my sister and I have really started to know each other. We're really close and it's great. There is the occasional punch up but whatever I don't care. I'm just happy she trusts me. And I trust her too, with a lot. And yesterday when I was on the bus driving home from school camp she started texting me and she actually told me stuff that's going on in her life. And it made me so happy. I was having a bad day, and the fact that she trusted me with something like that actually made me so happy. I'm glad I know this stuff. I wouldn't of told her if the same thing had happened to me. I'm proud of her.

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rush
posted a quote
August 29, 2012 6:28am UTC

Bad things about last year:
- Started cutting
- Diagnosed with depression
- Put my whole life in another person hands
- That person became a huge d*ckead
- Tried to kill myself
- Was in a really bad mindframe
- Hurt a lot of people
- Lied to my parents about a lot
- Failed subjects
- Almost lost my cousins
- Lost my aunty
Good things about last year:
- Didn't let depression take over my life
- Got back on my feet again
- Realised I had things to live for
- Elsie talked to me on here and we became friends
Bad things about this year
- Mum got cancer
- Aunty got cancer
- Other aunty and uncle haven't been checked for cancer because they're scared
- Failing maths
- Past got brought up and got called into the principals office
- Friend moved today, can't f*cking handle it
- Gained weight
- Don't have people to talk to
- Scared my grandparents are going to die
Good things about this year:
- Met Elsie
- Finally stood up to Joel
I suck at handling things. And I need to find a better way to deal with that. Today was a bad day. And it's times like this when I want to give everything up again. I just try to forget things instead of dealing with them. That's something I need to work on.

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rush
posted a quote
August 29, 2012 4:31am UTC

Tbh today was the sh*ttest day

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rush
posted a quote
August 28, 2012 6:28am UTC

My friend is getting put onto dialysis soon. I don't knowl what to do. I can't help her.

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rush
posted a quote
August 28, 2012 2:33am UTC

I've never really felt good enough for anything or anyone. Which is why I haven't really ever been in a relationship, and I also give up easily. But with him it's more than that. It's like I can't even talk to him anymore because I'm not enough. I can't live up to anyones expectations, especially not his. It f*cking kills me.

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rush
posted a quote
August 27, 2012 4:12am UTC

I'm holding onto to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't.

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rush
posted a quote
August 26, 2012 2:36am UTC

And I really need Joel right now. It kills me knowing that he doesn't care anymore. I thought I was over it, I thought I didn't miss him anymore, but I do. And I hate crying all the time. I hate being weak. I hate having his name engraved on my wrist, because it used to symbolise him being near me no matter what, and now it's just like he still controls me even though we don't speak. I'm not close to anyone anymore and I hate it. I hate it that no one cares.

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rush
posted a quote
August 24, 2012 6:42am UTC

That's just how it is with my sister and I though. I give her everything, she starts a fight, and I'm the one who ends up bleeding with broken fingers on my bedroom floor. And it's always going to be that way. Because I am weak and she is the intelligent daughter who gets everything she wants. And I'm still the one who they're ashamed of.

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rush
posted a quote
August 24, 2012 3:53am UTC

I miss the old you.

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rush
posted a quote
August 24, 2012 2:16am UTC

How is it even possible to be this fat.

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rush
posted a quote
August 22, 2012 7:48am UTC

I am going to be happy from now on.

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rush
posted a quote
August 20, 2012 7:36am UTC

I hate the disappointment in my mums eyes when something comes on tv about depression or suicide or self harm. It's like I've let her down. And it completely breaks my heart. I don't know how to deal with these things anymore.

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rush
posted a quote
August 20, 2012 2:21am UTC

I've gained like 10kg in the past few months. Why do I let myself get this fat. Why don't I have the will power to lose weight. I'm like 25kg over what I'm meant to be. F*ckig hell I hate this bleh :(

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rush
posted a quote
August 19, 2012 3:18am UTC

But it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of that, I stopped missing you.

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rush
posted a quote
August 18, 2012 4:17am UTC

I hate when people say they wish they looked like me or they wish they had my hair or whatever. No you don't. I don't even recognise myself without make up on. No one has seen my hair curly for about 2 years because I have to straighten it all the f*cking time. No one sees me on saturday nights without make up on with curly hair lying on the bathroom floor in tears. No one sees that half of me. And I don't want them to. But I don't want to see it either.

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rush
posted a quote
August 17, 2012 11:24pm UTC

I hate being fat. I hate how mum and I used to be the same weight and then she got cancer and went to hospital and got really skinny. And now I'm the fat one in the family. I'm the embarrassment. And I hate it. I'm not going to make myself throw up. I'm just going to starve myself. My family friend went 5 days without eating. Maybe I can do that too.

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rush
posted a quote
August 17, 2012 11:02pm UTC

You want to know why I hate it? I hate it because I put more effort in than you. I put in 110% and yet you're still always better than me. It's like you don't even try. That's why I hate it. Because no matter what I do, I'm still never good enough.

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rush
posted a quote
August 17, 2012 7:10am UTC

I hate how there is always something I want to change. Whether it's on my body, in a friend, education wise, family wise, anything. Nothing is ever good enough for me. And I hate how I feel the need to fix everything or change everything. I just want to be able to relax for once in my life. I don't want to worry about anything.

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rush
posted a quote
August 17, 2012 6:03am UTC

I really don't think my sister would care if I killed myself. She tells me to do it all the time, and she means it.

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rush