iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 5512753
&vice versa !
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4969258
This wasn't awful. I didn't like how you said 'one sunday morning' as opposed to 'early in the morning' or something. You sound like you're remembering as opposed to it being present time. Why would she ever bring up out of no where that she isn't from Africa? What does that have to do with anything? When someone introduces themself they don't say "Hi my name is *insert name here* and I'm not from here". What is the point?

Also, when you say "I started the conversation with him", that isn't correct. HE started the conversation with HER and it was already going when he said "Need some help." Right?

All in all, the storyline seems okay so far but the grammar, the spelling and the word choices need to be worked on. 3/10. sorry but iswearitstrue
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4964808
SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. Someone that knows where to put commas and capitals! The only thing is that when Hazel thinks to herself, the thought actually should be in quotation marks or even italicized as opposed to just saying "I thought to myself" it should look more like " 'Just one more year and I can get out of here' " I thought to myself.

Just a couple thoughts but really it isn't that bad. Just change that couple of things and it will be perfect! iswearitstrue!
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4964710
Not bad, the story was attention catching, it made me want to keep reading for sure and I do want to read what comes next. Just some constructive criticism..A lot of your sentences begin with lower case letters, when you say "I" referring to Emerie, you rarely capitolize which is really annoying to me. You also rarely use commas and when you do, they often aren't in the right place.

I know it's only a witty story but it really does make it look better and WAY more professional when you use proper grammar. Sorry but iswearitstrue
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4797708
Okay, this was..not great. You really need to work on your grammar. Today was my new class added to my schedule? I walking into the classroom and sat down? Really? On another note how did he know Emma's name without even asking? How did he 'fall in love' when he was just thinking of Ellie two seconds ago. You really need to work on all of this. it barely makes any sense...You should also double check your spelling..It looks like something a second grader would scribble in illegible handwriting...sorry but iswearitstrue
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4795224
I didn't mind this at all, it looks like you put a lot of work into it and it was decently well written. You got a little mixed up using present tense when you should have used past tense. It didn't flow that well at first but once you got going it was good! Keep going!
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iswearitstrue · 1 decade ago on quote 4794417
That was actually so good. I haven't read any of the other bits of the story so I have no idea what is going on, but none the less it was amazing.
iswearitstrue!
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