brokendreams* · 1 decade ago
i just clicked on the 'Her' link on your profile... omg i love you
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brokendreams* · 1 decade ago
i didnt really have a party, i had to work all day. how was he? and where has he been? its okay.. i hate how they act like they are 'all knowing' and think they 'know exactly what youre feeling' i wanna meet you... sometime. maybe. if you want. idunno. cant wait till im gone. well thank you anyways for listening. or reading i guess. what car crash??? im so sorry :(
but so. i was dating someone for a while and things were working out really good for us.. but then we stopped talking so much and he eventually left me because i guess he had better things to do with his life. but then after he stopped talking to me he ODed on molly and ecstase (if thats how you spell it) and he ended up in the hospital and then he texted me telling me how much of an a*shole he was to me and that he was a dumba*s and whatever.. i didnt really know what to think of it.and still dont, really.
but anyways. there was another boy i had been friends with in 7th grade and he was in 8th grade but then he left for highschool and stopped talking to me. then all of a sudden like a month or two before school ended he messaged me on fb saying that he saw me and thought hed message me cas he hadnt talked to me in a while.. turns out hed been 'noticing' me all year and finally worked up the courage to talk to me.. that when on for a while but because my parents are so strict that kind of stopped when school ended and i havent seen him since. hes texted me like 2x since school ended but thats it. i dont know anymore. im just so confused. lol why am i even bothering to worry about boys XD lol of course im kind of scared because with the first one i told you about i dont want him to OD or get hooked again.. he was dealing for a while too.... and im also kinda freaked because im taking advanced classes next year and might end up in one (if not two) of the second guys classes and its just gonna be awkward :( god i wish i had more confidence. i miss being on here all the time, i miss how it used to be. i dont really have friends anymore, but i dont really mind it. i like being alone, i guess. but then i see other people with all their friends and i just feel like.. if i just left this town or even life, there would no one to remember me like that. oh well. but its hard because i have no one to talk to about things because im afraid of being laughed at or talked about to other people.god im gonna start crying. i thought i wasnt as depressed and emotionable as before but i guess not.. like i said, i dont really have any friends, and if you see nate just tell him that i want him to know he was a big part of my life and sh/t im gonna cry... but just tell him i really miss him and i enjoyed what friendship we had. because i dont think ill ever be able to tell him, never have the chance anyways. but i can honestly say that youre basically the only one that has stayed in my life. everyone else has left. either i pushed them away.. or.... i dont know. but theyre gone. youre the only one left that i can actually talk to about things and i wont be surprised if that changes. but dont feel bad if it does, im used to it already(:
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brokendreams* · 1 decade ago
hi(: so im basically just gonna tell you what i told nate. like a month ago.
or you could just go look on his profile.
but ive been having issues. issuses with my family, my friends, my boyfriend, (now ex), and just pretty much everything.
i get kind of mad at myself for telling people about my problems because nothing good ever becomes of it.
when my mom found out shes just been yelling at me to stop feeling sorry for myself when really its a lot of her fault that im like this.
she doesnt let me go places or do things, even though she knows that when im alone, all i do is think.
my thoughts eventually evolve into 'not so good' ones and i start feeling like im right on the edge of nothing.
my other brothers and sisters have all gotten a camera for their birthday at my age and now my mom is telling me im not going to be able to get one because i have a f\cking attitude and i apparently broke hers. which i definitely did not do, she just keeps looking for excuses to make me feel even more unwanted.
but really the camera sh\t isnt even a big deal, if you dont have all the oher thats been happening.
im just sick of everything. i want to fcking get out of here. i cant wait until im gone.
im all alone. i have no one i can talk to anymore, even my best friend blows up at me for telling her sh\t.
i want so badly to just be done but i know i cant.
when im 18 im f\cking done with this sh\t.
done.
for good.

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