Last Serenade*

Status: I Swear to God I Gonna Change the World

Member Since: 3 Nov 2011 09:19pm

Last Seen: 6 Feb 2020 12:35am

Birthday: December 12

Location: In the clouds

Gender: M

user id: 233928

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STATUS:is it bad that i hate myself for feeling paranoid?

Hey, I'm Seth, 18, Long Island NY, just a sociopathic monster who likes to write

Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 8, 2014 1:20pm UTC

and I'm holding on, blindly
i walk under a cloak, invisibly
shut out in space wondering
boy, boy, boy, what have you done?
what have you done?

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 6, 2014 10:00pm UTC

Don't look back, you're not going that way.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 6, 2014 9:38pm UTC

You and me
we're all that's left
so if we're gonna see this through
we're gonna do it
together
~Supernatural

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 5, 2014 4:33pm UTC

I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to be.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 4, 2014 1:12pm UTC

Done for the day

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 4, 2014 1:03pm UTC

'Cause it feels like we’re just, feels like we’re holding on

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 4, 2014 12:46pm UTC

No.
I don't want to be like you. I will never be like you. Don't ever tell me to be more like you or anyone of your kind. Oh cool, you're tall, built, and strong, so is my brother and I'm not. But I don't care. You are a jerk. You lie to me all the time. I know when you lie and I just go with it.
You've lied to me just to get me to do things that hurt myself. You've promised me things if I did what you told me to, they were broken. You say things that turn me against people that have never wronged me just so you can be the good guy. You say you love me but you don't. you just want control over the situation, whatever that my be. You want control over me.
You say you're the best but you actually suck. You've beaten me down, you've almost turned me into a soldier for you. You've made me hurt myself and embarrass myself to make you look good. So I could protect you. But I'm the rogue. You can't control me.
When I defy you it's like a hurricane crashing down on a doll house. Blood drops to the floor to meet in a puddle. Images of me hunched over holding my shirt with my arms crossed and my teeth clenching from the pain of a belt to my back. At first tears fell along with blood. Now I will not shed a pitiful tear for you. The last time you ever belted me, I took my own shirt off, I stood on my feet and stuck my hands in my pockets and asked you what you were waiting for. That was the day you were scared of me. Because I was the numb one, I could take the pain. I was strong enough. Stronger than you.
You asked me what I saw in myself and I said, a man who cares for others, who doesn't want to resort to violence, who's funny and has a nice smile even if its crooked, a man who loves and doesn't conrtol because he knows that he can't control anything so he'll just love, a man who does get scared sometimes, but one who will always listen to others and just be there for them.
You laughed at me and walked away. If you ever asked me what I see in you, even if you were lying on your death bed.
I'd say a coward.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 4, 2014 12:20pm UTC

No.
Just stop. Right now, Just stop. As if I don't already know what you're going through. You talk about it all the time and make references to it and it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes. Because I hold so much guilt for all of this, don't you see? Because I can't do anything.
Stop talking about life insurance and how if you died, Gabe and I would get so much money. Stop doing it. It's clear that we don't give two sh-ts about the money. We don't want you to die. We know you're not right in the head but please stop talking about this stupid life insurance.
Stop talking about lying to your doctors. Stop telling me how you tell them you take your medication when you obviously don't. You're slowly killing yourself and all of us along with you, especially me. Because I can't do anything.
Stop talking to me about how you imagine dying. Stop telling me your fantasies about accidents and jumping and guns and disease and inevitably, death. Stop smiling and laughing when you talk about it. Because it scares Gabe and it numbs me. I can't do anything.
I'm numb. I feel helpless when I can't help those I care about. Because I can't help you, because you need to help yourself. And when I can't help others, I feel like it's because of me. I can't do anything which means I'm only hurting you.
Please just stop doing this to me. I can't take the weight and I'm numb. Soon Gabe will be too. And he's already depressed. Please please please.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 9:58pm UTC

don't want to play this game no more I don't wanna play it. I don't want to stay 'round here no more I don't wanna stay here. At all.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 9:47pm UTC

And do you ever look in the mirror? Oh, and not know who you are, or know where you going?Oh, and before today, I didn't know if I'd make it. But now it's all making sense.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 8:54pm UTC

Who are they, with their so-called innovations?
They hold on, like they found their own salvation.
They shy away, from the slightest alteration.
But at the same time, we've got the same fascinations.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 8:47pm UTC

And we'll live life in a different light
Steadfast through the darkest night

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 8:41pm UTC

We're talking dreams maybe
Let's run away to New York City
We're talking dreams baby
tell me what troubles your beautiful mind

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
May 2, 2014 2:33am UTC

.
Keep ya far keep ya far from what I know You'll be fine, you'll be fine just don't look closely... now
.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 20, 2014 7:15pm UTC

.
still waiting but honestly
i'm fading away slowly
.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 19, 2014 10:40pm UTC

.
endless butterflies from my ribcage to stary skies
.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 19, 2014 8:52pm UTC

.
i thought i'd be fine that everything would be alright with time turns out there's been just an override on my mind and my ribcage divides into two knives ending the strife of my life so i struggle to survive another grenade blown up in my sky another nuclear war in my head boom bang crack crack snap there it goes again and what will i do? Nothing because i know that i'm that ghost that floats down a road split in two one leading to blood the other leading to pain so i'll pave my own way stone by stone on my knees yeah i'll groan but in the end what's left to moan when I've grown up and showed up those whom have left me alone so what do i have to show? Nothing because what I've shown is this road I've paved stone by stone not always alone but I have howned my skills through both blood and pain so what do I have to say? Nothing, my face may make that I have erased the marks made by blades and spades but my eyes hold the truth of what I feel yes my eyes are real because my voice freezes and breaks when I shed tears so what do I have to do to make me appear on top to all at my feet? Nothing, i dont want all at my feet no fleet to be led by me no people at my feet nor do i see any from my old wooden seat by cause yes i have flaws and i have scars but no one shall see nothing because see the difference between me and others is that i pave my way while they all choose what path they want to take. What i say is pave your own way that leads you to a perfect place because you deserve to wake up everyday with no regrets and no headaches. Just relax and take it slow. Don't let your heart and mind race.
.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 19, 2014 8:20pm UTC

please just tell me what you want from me. i'm not sure if i can bare much more of this.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 19, 2014 8:08pm UTC

Your Voice
You are a symphony. You bring life to the world as heads turn and hearts flutter when you say a word or hum a tune. You sound sweet and humble. Soft as if you don't want to stir even a baby bird from it's sleep. When you wnat, you could be loud and powerful, shaking up the earth. I could never forget what your voice sounds like. Like a fantasy.
~ S.B.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
April 19, 2014 8:00pm UTC

30 DAY CHALLENGE (i will finish this time. Its a goal. Write and delete)
1. 15 facts about you
2. Initials of the person you love
3. Your closest friends
4. The thing you most fear
5. The saddest moment in your life
6. Favorite sport
7. Favorite song
8. Your deepest secret
9. First impression of the girl you like now
10. Last time you cried
11. Thing closest to your heart
12. When you hear this song you cry
13. Place you wanna visit badly
14. Favorite book
15. Favorite animal
16. Favorite show
17. Last time someone hurt you
18. The story behind your life
19. Person who scares you the most
20. Last major injury
21. Favorite youtube video
22. Phone type
23. Biggest confession
24. Last break up
25. Last heart break
26. The day you regret the most
27. First friend
28. Favorite drink
29. A letter to someone in
11. Thing You Hold Closest To Your Heart:
- An old burnt metal cross
- A black hat
- A mechanical pencil and paper
12. When you hear this song you get [emotional]:
-Disappear (Remember When)
-Endlessly
-Man Who Can't Be Moved
-Second & Sebring
-Tears of Life (Orchestral)

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Last Serenade*