Dear Nobody, I look in the mirror today, tonight at this very moment. I don't see myself anymore. No like i haven't seen myself before, its just...cloudier. I don't feel right. I don't feel like I have a self. A personality that i could call my own.. I'm faded, lying awake at night wondering how long before the next horrible crash will commence. I shouldn't think that way. I can't think like that. However, although it is apparaent that i have a good and perfect life. I am truly grateful for, of course. but i"m scared of losing it. I'm scared of not being able to talk to people. I want to help people. But i don't think I'm needed. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not there. That theres a barrier between me and a lot of my friends. I think it's myself to be honest. There's something wrong with me that doesn't let me get close to people. Theres just something wrong with me. I want to spend time with my old friend but it seems like I'm never around to be with him. I want to talk to all my other friends but I feel like i bother the hell out of them by texting first...I just..don't know what to do.. Everyone thinks I'm okay right now.. everyone just thinks I'm okay.. I'm okay... ~ S.K.B.
Dear God, I'm writing this to say thank you for all that you've given me. Thank you for the great summer that has passed, thank you for giving me understanding teachers, thank you for giving me the oppurtunities to make the friends I've made, thank you for leading me to find a beautiful human being whom I care for very dearly, thank you for granting me many artistic oppurtunities, thank you for giving me the courage to not give up this summer and even tonight and even on the first week of school, thank you for the help you've given me, even though i don't always write to you or talk to you every day. You still listen to me out of all people that deserve your guidance. Just thank you. I know I still have a lot to work on and i still get depressed and down because of the bullies and my parents. I still get stressed to the max and I struggle pathetically during chorus and men's choir because i physically can't hit low keys no matter how hard i try. Haha i feel like my voice'll be gone by the end of this week by how much i strain it. But hey, you've given me so much comfort, now you are giving me challenges. And i have faith that you would never give me too much i can't handle. I trust that I will overcome my struggles oneday; hopefully soon. I'd like to once again say thank you for granting me this day. I was cheesing out the whole day even though i went through some cringey bully moments. Overall today was a great day and I can't wait for tomorrow. Hopefully that interview with the news people will go well tomorrow. I can't wait for medical emergencies either, oh my god hahaha. I trust that this will be my best year yet. Again, thank you for everything you've granted me so far, even the challenges that may come my way. ~ S.K.B.
Me: *stares at girl and smiles a little* 10 Year Old: You like her, don't you? Me: Me? Her? Nah man nah. 10 Year Old: *stares at and smiles* Maybe your heart does but your mind is saying 'no'... Me: *blushes* ya know what, kid? Shush.