the darkest hour
part #17
i jumped into my car and booked it out of the driveway. my head was fuzzy with everything, but right now i knew i had to get to cole. dating or not, i had to apologize to him. for everything. for being stupid and not paying attention to what i was doing. for even bothering his life at all. i felt a breeze on my head, and realized i wasn't even wearing my wig! ugh it must've fallen off when i was sleeping. i don't need anything to see him. i finally pulled into the parking lot, and i ran into the e.r. the lady at the check in counter told me he was in room 016. i ran down the hallway, getting several confused looks from people, and i finally got there. i knocked on the door, and i heard a muffled "come in" my eyes already had tears in them. i opened the door and i saw cole's black and blue eyes on the bed. he glanced up, and then looked directly out the window.
"colee," i said, my voice quivering. i wanted so badly to run and give him a hug, but i had to be careful with this situation.
"cole i know your mad at me." i began, after a few moments of silence. "but i had to see you. to make sure you were okay." i said, crying. "and i wanted to apologize." i said, and i took a second to pull myself together.
"cole you mean the world to me, and i'll always love you." i began.
"will it ever be enough?" he asked, cutting me off.
"wh-what?" i asked, wiping my eyes.
"i see the way you look at him. ryan, you're in love with the guy." he said, and looked down.
"i love you too." i protested.
"not the way you love him." he said. "ry, you don't have to lie to me." i started balling.
"cole, i did love you, but there's just something about chase, that i'm just, i don't know it's like we're meant to be." he looked hurt by that comment.
"don't get me wrong," i said, walking over to him. "i love you cole." i said, and he wiped a tear from my eyes.
"but will it-" he began. i started shaking my head.
"it won't be enough." i said, tears streaming down my cheeks. i started to get up, because i'd said what i needed to say.
"wait." he said. i froze. "ryan, don't forget. i'll always be here. as your boyfriend, or as your friend. i'll still be here. well not here cause i'm supposed to get out of the hospital like tomorrow, but you get what i mean." he said, and smiled. one tickled my lips too.
"i'll always love you too, cole." i said, and kissed his cheek, and walked out of his life.