If you read this all, I will seriously love you forever. But if you don't, that's fine..I just needed to put this all into words somewhere.
So, there was a time where I had these two friends (lets just say G & B, for girl and boy) & we were all close.. I was friends with G for a while, but I had always felt kinda awful around her, so I starting talking to B about her. A few months later, when I had regretted my first decision - he told her everything. Our friendships were ruined. I moved on, and became friends with some of G's ex-friends. We all got really close. And then after a while, I became friends with B again & we bonded over our drama with her and one day I said 'If I ever go back to her, stop me. I don't want to get hurt again.' and he said he would. At this point, though, G was going back to her ex-friends & I couldn't leave them. One of them had become my best friend, and she agreed with me about Nana. But we were stuck with her. Then it started to seem like B didn't care about me or our friendship, so I tried to move on from our friendship and I ended up making up with G. Things were okay between G, the 'ex'-friends, and I.. but I still didn't feel right around G. She brought me down..really, really down. I started missing B, even though technically things were 'fine' with us, since we had never talked about G and I becoming 'friends'. I went back to him, talked to him about us. He said I had changed because of G. It crushed me, because I never wanted to hurt him. He said he felt betrayed. I felt terrible, but I felt so guilty for going behind G's back. I sent my best friend some of the messages B and I had sent to each other, but G got her hands on them. She was hurt. I had said terrible, terrible things because I was desperate to get B back.. I thought things would never work out again. I went to tell B about this all, but he told me he felt like my 'second choice' & that I shouldn't be scared of her. We sorta made up, but not really.. I couldn't handle all the damage I had caused. Things were wrong with all of these people, and I'm the kind of person who wants to be too perfect for everyone ~ it gets me into trouble because I always want to make everyone okay again, which winds up being twisted or coming out wrong. I also can't stand for things to end badly. I can't have people hate me. A few days later, G talked to me. We made up again. This time I didn't tell B. I knew that maybe he wouldn't notice that things were fine with everyone, and he would realize that I hadn't changed - then I could explain that G & I were fine, without him getting mad. Instead, things went wrong. He and I haven't spoken and I have been so worried about him. He's gotten close with some stupid people, and he's making choices he would have never made. Some part of me worries that I did this to him. That I changed him.. but I also have realized how much he hurt me over the years. How wrong he was in some of things he's done and said. How hypocritical he could be. I realized how little he cared about our friendship - how he never seemed like he actually cared. It broke me inside, knowing I had cared so much for someone that couldn't care less. I decided that in some ways it would be better to just leave him behind & move on, and maybe some day he would realize he lost one of his only friends that had really cared. Even through all of his own drama & mood swings. I needed closure though, so last Friday I sent him a text asking if we could talk.. he never replied. I just think he isn't worth the time anymore, if he won't even talk to me one last time. I don't WANT to care, but I still do. And just now I saw him & some of his stupid friends talking behind her back on Facebook, and some part of me died inside - I agreed with some things he said about G. Still. But I also wanted to warn her. I want things to be perfect, but the never ever will be.
It's been a long 2 ½ years.
NikkiBeKillin
baileygryskwicz
soccerloverx03x
wittyguy365
arii321
Smurph
Just_Someonex
KassandraMariella
teenqueen143
lapislazuli123
krunchcutie111
Snooshi
BravoSierra
Cutiegurlxo200