it was one a.m. on a saturday and i can remember it. we were sitting at a subway. it was the only thing open at that time, and it was cold and neither of us wanted to stand outside.
we sat at the table in the corner. you bought a cookie and offered me some, i declined politely - not because i wasn't hungry, but because i couldn't eat in front of you. you made my stomach feel the butterflies even so late in the night. you sat across the table in front of me and said,
"i don't know what i want. i don't know who i like, or how i feel. i don't know what to do anymore."
and you pulled your beanie over your eyes, like you were sad, or frustrated...
i couldn't read you clearly. it was so late, i'm surprised i could even keep my eyes open. but i did, i did for you.
and you put your head on the table, arms outsretched in front of you,
just asking to be held right there
in the restaurant. i stared at you across the table, and pulled your hand toward me and started to stroke it very softly, tracing your fingers and rubbing your thumb gently. i think you realized by the end of the night it wasn't making out or kissing or anything physical i wanted, it was this moment.
it was now.
this is what i took the train for,
this is what i came for.
i was here for this moment.
"i like that..i like that a lot. nobody has done that for me in years...you remind me of my mom. you have such beautiful hands," you whispered.
after a few minutes of silence i managed to swallow the lump in my throat, blink back the
water in my eyes, and say,
"when you figure yourself out,
will you come and find me? please?"