Dear best friend,
Sadly it has come to the time where we now pass eachother as strangers. I could only wish I could of stopped it sooner. They day you left, had broken my heart. Normal best friends would have slowly let eachother go, but you had told me that day you never wanted to see me again. Maybe it was the fact that I never accepted the part where you thought I was beautiful. Maybe I complained to much, or just didn't listen. Maybe my thoughts got too carried away wtih the fact I'd finally lose you. You said you'd hurt me one way or another, but at that time I'd disagree. I look back every second of the day to figure out what I did wrong. Maybe it was something I said. Or maybe it was the constant fighting we had done. I wish I could of only taken the words I never ment when I was angry back. I had know that one day we would drift apart, but I never thought it would be so sudden. I knew that in that time when it would happen that I would lose all sanity. Times are different and you seem happy. Sadly, I am not. I am awaken with the constant grief and loss of someone I'd do anything for. A simple smile that had made my day worth living for, is now smiling for someone else. I really only wish they appreciate it as much as I had. I still pay attention to all the little things, like how you hated waking up each day knowing you had to go to work. Or that you loved to read on that one bench in the park. I know all your favorite colors, and the small things you hate about yourself. I will always find you quite lovely although you'd beg to differ. Maybe as times go by I will slowly forget the fact you use to sing me to sleep every night, even if you found it creepy, it made me feel safe. I use to love talking to you until 5 in the morning, just to make sure you wouldn't pick up a blade, or swallow too many pills. The times we were so tired, we'd laugh at just about anything and everything. Or how you somehow knew every piece of clothing in my closet, and told me what to wear. Although no one understood how I could be affected and cling to someone so close. No one understood that the pain I'd felt everyday was taken away by a best friend, the person that made me feel alive for once in my life. You had helped me and I tried my best to offer you the same back. But sadly words are never enough, and I was never enough. Knowing that these words will just be shrugged off like every other time I had something to prove, I just wanted you to be happy. Hopefully the people you are surrounded by now are enough, hopefully they are able to help you more than I ever could. I now understand again how it feels to wake up everyday having to put on a jacket. I was far too young before, and many people shrugged it off as scrapes. Knowing that the person that kept me alive had told me a mouth full of lies, makes my chest hurt. It feels as if there are a thousand pounds crushing my heart, only squeezing every inch of blood out of my system. Words cannot discribe how horrible it feels. Words do not help. I understand now. Its not been easy. It's never been easy. And forgetting you is the hardest thing I could ever imagine. I am sorry for never figuring it out sooner. It is such a selfish thing to do. I understand why you left, I'd leave me too.
Just never forget that I cared and loved you more then anyone that you left me for ever would have.
Yours truly,
Worthless.
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