Imhilarious Quotes

absent *
posted a quote
May 30, 2015 4:21am UTC

every
sentence
looks
like
poetry
if
you
press
enter
enough

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rachlgirl
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 4:18pm UTC

When I'm a senior, my graduation speech will be
"I've done my waiting. 12 years of it!
peace out bit ches"

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xxIntroducingMe
posted a quote
July 31, 2013 5:03pm UTC

I've looked all over the hospital and you're nowhere to be found!
Oh wait, ICU.

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fluorescent adolescent*
posted a quote
July 21, 2013 3:37pm UTC

Gosh,
periods are just
bloody terrible.

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PaytonSawyer
posted a quote
July 19, 2013 11:52am UTC

10 favorites (ahhh i hate picking favorites)
• Favorite Color: Aqua
• Favorite Food: pasta and tacos
• Favorite Singer: Justin Bieber and Demi Lovato and Skilyr Hicks and Paul Thomas Mitchell
• Favorite Show: Teen Wolf
• Favorite Sport: Volleyball
• Favorite Season: Fall
• Favorite Day Of the Week: Not Monday
• Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Every kind put in one large bowl
• Favorite Time of Day: 6 a.m.
9 currents
• Current Mood: Bored
• Current weather: sunny
• Current Clothes: soffe shorts and powerhouse volleyball shirt
• Current Computer: HP mini
• Current Finger/Toenail Color: chipped
• Current Time: 10:40 a.m.
• Current Surroundings: My living room
• Current Annoyance(s): Im fat so thats always a downer
• Current Thought: I love Dylan O'Brien
8 Firsts
• First Best Friend: What are friends
• First crush this school year: Whats a crush mean
• First word: Can i have some cake
• First Pet: Parakeet
• First Thing You Did Today: vaccumed my wall
• First Thing You Ate Today: Chocolate
• First School: ew
7 Lasts
• Last Food Consumption: Chocolate
• Last Car Ride: can't remember
• Last Text Message: recieved:ohhhh
• Last Movie Seen:Shes the man
• Last Item Bought: Probably food of some sort
• Last CD Played: Hannah Montatna
• Last Website You Were On: A website to watch Teen Wolf online
6 Have You Evers
• Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: Again i ask what are friends
• Have You Ever Broken the Law: Theres a law?
• Have You Ever Been Arrested: Like 7 times
• Have You Ever Been on TV: Erryday
•Have Ever Walked Into A Sliding Glass Door: I have a phobia of glass doors
• Have You Ever Sat On The Roof: Yeah i got shingles
5 Places You've Been To
• 1. My bathroom
• 2. My livingroom
• 3.Walmart
• 4. McDonalds
• 5. Illinois
4 Things
• You're Wearing: wedding dress
• You Did Last Night: Watched Teen Wolf
• What Can You Hear Right Now: Nick Cannon and Mel B
• You Can't Live Without: Oxygen and Food probably
3 People You Can Tell Anything To
• 1.My fish
2. Dylan O'Brien
• 3. Justin Bieber
2 Choices
• 1. black or white: Gray
• 2. hot or cold: warm with a hint of a breeze
1 Love
• My one heart, my one life for sure let me tell ya one time girl i love girl i love you girl i love girl i love.

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lovecrazy
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 12:30pm UTC

HA HA HA guuuuys I just got reported and blocked on Facebook.
It's actually quite funny, so let me tell you. A girl I go to school with posted a picture of her in a bikini doing the duck lips and peace sign saying "getting tan" actually she wasn't tan she's burnt af. Anyway, that bikini is 5x too small... So I commented "The camel called, he wants his toe back." She didn't like that too well uh ohhhh we've got an angry dorito on the loose guys.

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lovecrazy
posted a quote
July 4, 2013 9:30pm UTC

Normal people: Awe! Your baby is so cute! He/she looks just like you!
Me: Dude your kid is ugly af. I'd get my money back if I were you.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 96 points

KangaDrew
posted a quote
June 18, 2013 3:48pm UTC

.
.
.
.
remember when everyone kept overusing this format with the 'I mustache you a question lol omg xDDD' quote yeah that was annoying.

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pluto*
posted a quote
April 28, 2013 11:52am UTC

Do you wanna know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The holocaust.

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Whor_an
posted a quote
April 19, 2013 5:43pm UTC

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE
you little rebel i like you

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pez_candy44
posted a quote
April 18, 2013 4:09pm UTC

Before today, I hadn't been on witty for 78 days....
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

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rachlgirl
posted a quote
March 29, 2013 3:43pm UTC

me:
You know what the best way to remember everybody's birthday is?
don't have any friends.

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pluto*
posted a quote
March 24, 2013 4:38pm UTC

JIMMY365 IS THE MOST ORIGINAL PERSON ON WITTY -noone ever.

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SelinTheBean*
posted a quote
March 7, 2013 10:20am UTC

the quote below me says it all.
.
▀ 295
❤ 123
.
6395098 added by Breeze to funny quotes on 03 Jan 2013 at 6:31pm
.
it all.
double quote format by Breeze

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_crazy_cutie_5678
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 6:37pm UTC

I DON'T SAY MUCH
BUT WHEN I DO FIND
COURAGE TO SPEAK,
I MEAN WHAT I SAY.

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Whor_an
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:49am UTC

Me: -singing in the tub-
Mom: SHUT UP!!
Me: How are you hatin from my side of the tub...You can't even get in... LEGGO!
Mom:
Me: Yellow soap bar, Yellow rubber ducky, Yellow shampoo bottle, Yellow water's yucky

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bluebox2
posted a quote
January 30, 2013 7:33pm UTC

*me at school*
Me: Why the hell are so many people staring at me???
Me: Nothing to see here move peasants.
Me: So many people are staring at me.
Me: Probably at how good I look in this shirt.
Me: Maybe I should go see how good I look.
Me: *in bathroom*
Me: Okay how the hell did I get permanent marker on my face.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 21 points

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