Read My Mind
Have you ever noticed how words are all lies
How every single breath we take speaks all the wrong words
Because, God forbid we let someone in
God forbid we let someone take a bulldozer to the walls we’re in
The walls are our home
It has become hard to distinguish between our masks and our faces anymore
This isn’t right
Each smile is a lie
Because my heart is frowning and the only reason you see a smile is because I’m upside down
And each breath is a lie
Because really it is me gasping for air
As in the ocean my body keeps drowning
And every single word I say is a lie
Because I tell you the happy stories
Which aren’t really the words that are racing through my mind
Because, you see, if you were someone such as Edward Cullen and you could read my mind
I would never see you again
You don’t want to read my mind
Because chances are that I’m not thinking of what people are wearing
Or who is dating who
Or you
Or what happened in class
Or the work I have to do
No.
That would be nice though
You see I have a knack for story telling
It gets me far in life.
It helps me keep hiding the thoughts that, although you claim to, you wouldn’t want to see
I can’t let anyone see the real me.
But you keep on pushing
Shoving
Pulling
Saying I can help, I’ll expel the demons from your brain
But fear has me trapped tight
Its grip holding me in place, capturing my screams and burying them before they make a sound
You don’t want to know me
Correction, I don’t want you to know me
Because if you could read my mind
If I let my words no longer be lies
Then you would be far far away by now
Running for the hills
Before I had the chance to say thank you
Before I had the chance to tell you
Take that demon with you
If you could read my mind you would see flickering images of my friends bleeding wrists
You would see possibilities of how to end all this
You would hear the words that pierce your heart, taunting, screaming
You would feel the worry of whether or not the people I love will still be alive
You could see the memories that flash through my mind
And you wouldn’t have the time to see the good.
I do see good.
I just don’t talk about that either.
Because the good holds all my secrets
The good holds the key to expelling demons
If I give the good away everything is ruined
Because the good is the one thing keeping me floating
You do not want to read my mind
So for now I will keep building walls
Fading out of existence
Never allowing my pain to make a sound.
someoneinhiding