You find yourself
losing friends more and more. It's harder to get on with
people, including your parents. You wish your parents would
notice you're not ok although you don't want them to
fuss. You want help but you also want to be left alone. You
worry that people think you're an attention seeker by
constantly looking upset, so you try to smile and keep happy
but you break down when you get home, when nobody is watching.
You worry that you're friends think you're paranoid.
You actually do become quite paranoid. You could do with
someone to remind you that you're beautiful and
everything's going to be ok - but nobody's there. You
feel so alone. You've recently been feeling an overwelming
amount of homesickness. You hate growing up, you want to be
young again. You desperately want to go back in time. You'd
change something if you could. You wish you'd never met
that one person. You want someone to come back, who never will.
You get home, get under the covers and cry. Sometimes you wish
you were dead. You feel guilty for wishing you were dead, as
there are many people dying who don't want to die. Some
days you need to listen to music, other days you really
don't want to. You love walks in the rain. You watch
romantic films and then get back to boring reality. You want to
change so much about yourself, maybe even yourself completely.
You find yourself smiling and laughing less. You hate the word
depressed but you constantly find yourself being
miserable.
