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I ruined my family.
My parents are constantly fighting, and they plan on getting a divorce.
All because of me.
It all happened Monday, when I finally broke.
I broke down because my mom called me emo, one more time because I spent my birthday money on a shirt that says,"Bite me!" With a t-rex on it. 
I started crying, and I finally told her how I feel.
I told her how she's my biggest bully and that she makes me feel horrible about myself all the time. That, I hate myself because of her. I told her how I dress and act just to please her, and that I'm afraid to be around her because I'm scared she'll cut me down again.
She cries every day now, and, she hates herself.
My dad threatened that he would take us kids away from her if she doesn't change.
It is all my fault that this is happening.
She tells me its not, and that what I said I ment.. But honestly, I hate myself because I'm just a horrible person. It's not because of her, its because of me.
All of this, happened on my birthday.
I've cried everyday since.
I feel absolutely terrible.
I feel.. absolutely alone in this house.
I turned to smoking.. again.
Honestly, I almost killed myself yesterday by swallowing pills.

I don't want to live anymore.

I need help.
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I ruined my family. My parents are constantly fighting, and they

86 faves · 27 comments · Sep 5, 2012 6:01pm

LookInsideMyMind

by

LookInsideMyMind


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advice

Dark_Swan_3 · 1 decade ago
aw, it's not your fault at all! Your mother chose to act that way towards you, and it's her fault if you were sad and depressed or whatever about it. I do hope that she changes, but that she cries about it as well, means she must still care, so don't give up on that. And if you don't want them to get a divorce, try talking to your father. And your mother. But separately. I hope this helps<3
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JNettles53 · 1 decade ago
It's not your fault. You spoke the truth. It'll be alright again. I promise. I'm here to talk anytime you need me. Kay Hun?
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XxXxPerfectlyImperfectXxXx · 1 decade ago
awe, hun. Im so sorryy. i know you probably dont want sympathy, you just want someone to understand. i can try my best. so if you need anyone to talk to, ill be here. stay strong beautiful <3
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icarly26 · 1 decade ago
I'm here if you need to talk. Please don't hurt yourself
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RainbowDinosuarPoop · 1 decade ago
My whole family was in a fight on my 10th birthday... I mean i was finally turning double digits lol. Haha. But ya my aunt and uncle got divorced, my grandma and my mom were fighting. And other things lie tht. We normally have a huge family dinner on someones birthday but we didnt tht day... Bbut it all turned out better a few weeks later.
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heaven_is_here · 1 decade ago
It isn't your fault
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niamhdoh2010 · 1 decade ago
u cant blame urself :) that happened to my cousin and she was so close to doing the same thing and i helped her ..... dont blame urself
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freak* · 1 decade ago
no. Just no. It is not your fault but i swear on my life, don't give up, you have us wittians to support you and I promise things WILL get better. I'll be praying for you but, pray. Pray and I don't know what will happen but things will happen and things will get better! I hope they get better soon. I'm always here, we all are
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So_This_Is_Life · 1 decade ago
Also, as a an afterthought to what you said in the comments, my parents are divorced as well, and I'm barely allowed to see my father, so I sort of understand. And I'm not homophobic, so if you ever want to talk about anything at all, I am here and always will be here.
Just promise you won't kill yourself. Come to us if you need to talk.
We're always here.
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So_This_Is_Life · 1 decade ago
Hey, it's not your fault. Trust me on this. And I'm not the person trying to pretend that I know exactly what you're going through, but my parents were similar, except it was my dad who hated me and only loved my sister. I've never even gotten the courage to tell him how he's made me feel, so you did better then me. You did the first step and told the problem that they were the problem, a lot farther then a lot of us get. just remember, she is the one who decided to treat you like this, and she is the one who decided to be a bully to her own child. Like my father- I figure if he wanted a relationship with me, he should have tried too, and not left it to me. It's like that- you have done nothing except say what needed to be said for some form of healing to begin. If you leave her, then it is NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT HERS FOR BEING A BULLY TO HER OWN CHILD. Never think it was you. Please. I don't know you, and I care about you because you are a precious human life that should not be wasted for its potential. You can make it through. You WILL make it through, and if you need help, I'm here. if you'd like, I can give you one of my emails for a more private talk. I don't mind if it will help you. Just please don't kill yourself- remember, it's not your fault, but hers for treating you like that.
Please.
Let me know if you want to talk- I'm always here.
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hayXitsXyourXlove · 1 decade ago
don't kill yourself. please don't. don't even think of that stuff okay? wanna know why? because NONE of that was your fault. it was your mothers fault. SHE'S the one that put you down, you couldn't have done that all on your own. SHE'S the one for making you feel sad and cry the way you said you did. you had a reason too, and SHE was your reason. a person can only take so much of that rejection and hatred from someone before they finally snap. its not your fault, its actually a good thing that you got that all off your chest. sit back and think, i bet you have a load off your shoulders now right? it was a good thing, and now you're not going to feel the way you've been feeling anymore because she has finally realized what she's been doing to you and how it has affected you. now what the two of you should do, (coming from my own personal experience with my mom) go to a therapist. seriously. it might sound crazy to you, but i suggest doing it. because it helps. and if it doesnt change anything, then at least you can say you tried, you know? but please, dont kill yourself over this. please dont. if you need anything else, i go on witty quite often so just comment on my profile. dont hold all of it in like you were doing. stay beautiful xoxo
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XD4thecameras · 1 decade ago
None of it is your fault. You are who you are and your mother is who she is, it's just that your personalities aren't cooperating. Believe it or not, you did the right thing by telling her how you feel. No one should have to bottle up what they feel. Don't kill yourself, that won't fix things, not really. And you have your Witty family, always.
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keepsake · 1 decade ago
please don't kill yourself, please don't.
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Bananabrains316 · 1 decade ago
Please dont. I'll always be here if u need to talk, even though i don't know u. Stay strong beautiful xx
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crazyMCRfangirl · 1 decade ago
if you need to talk I'm always here I wont judge you I promise
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Khaoulaa_* · 1 decade ago
if you need someone to talk to im right here, but killing yourself isnt gonna fix anything, get your parents together, calm them down apologize to them and tell them how you really feel, and please dont smoke, it's not gonna benefit you in any sort of way :) I hope I helped :)
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saralax · 1 decade ago
if you need someone to talk to, i am here. and i am a good listener :) and i saw a shirt like that! i wanted it...but it wasn't in my size! o.0
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ashie514 · 1 decade ago
it's hard. i know. but, there is a way out. killing yourself is just..quitting. No one wants you to quit. Imagine..if you were no longer living, what would happen to the people all around you?? think. Try and write your feelings down, and try and clear your mind. i know that that is asking for alot. but, please, just try it. it can help you come to different solutions. ALSO, do not dwell on your past but..remember..you can change your own future.
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EmmaEarmuffs · 1 decade ago
Oh my god I'm soo sorry :'( I'm here for you. you can vent to me anytime you want :]
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ForeverStronger · 1 decade ago
I honestly would love your shirt, just saying! And talk it out with your mom, communication is the key. Please don't ever kill yourself. And everyone deserves a long life, don't cut yours short!
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