On My Own

Chapter Eight
I just stood there in the bathroom alone.  My thoughts were running rabid in my head, edging me closer to insanity.  
He's going to tell.
No, he won't
He will.  he hates you. They all do.
Shut up, brain
You know it's true.  They only deal with you because they have no other choice.
I said shut up!
Look at you.  You're pathetic.  How could anyone ever love you?  You're disgusting.
I know
That's why your parents hated you
I jumped in surprise when a sob came from my throat.  I hadn't even known I was crying.  I knew my parents hated me, hence they hurt me.  I knew the boys were forced to deal with me.  I knew they didn't care about me, that's why they dumped me at that hospital so they wouldn't have to deal with me.  
I wiped the tears from my eyes and made my way to my bedroom.  I just let myself fall onto my bed.  I layed there, staring out the window at the darkening sky.  The clock read 8:45. I decided I might as well go to sleep.  There was nothing better to do. 
My mind had other ideas.
No one will ever love you.  They lie and say they do, just to see you squirm.  They don't want to fans knowing they have a fuccked-up guy in their band.  They don't care about you.  They're probably laughing at you right now, talking about how awful you are. You're better off dead.  Too bad that blond kid had to find you...maybe you would have killed yourself this time. It would be better for everyone.
I groaned and got up.  There was no way I was going to be getting sleep any time soon.
I pulled on some trousers and a fresh tee shirt.  I kept my hat on, too lazy to do anything to my hair.
Leaving the building, the cold air cleared my head a bit.  I walked down the sidewalk, no particular destination in mind.  That is, until I saw a neon sign for a club not far away.  
Once inside, I went straight for the bar, no other interest in my mind than getting completely smashed.  I knew I wasn't supposed to, seeing as I'd just gotten out of "rehab" for this type of thing.  But too fuccking bad.
I told the bartender to give me a shot of Vodka. I downed it in a second, the burning ensation rushing down my throat. I asked for another shot. Then another.  And another.  I'd lost count of the drinks I had consumed, and soon my throat was on fire and my head was fuzzy.  I just satyed slumped on the bor stool, my head spinning.  I thought breifly of what would happen if any fans saw me.  Then I realizeed I don't give a damn.
The pulsing beat of the loud music was a distant  hum.  I tried asking for another drink, but the bartender cut me off when he couldn't understand a thing I said. 
I couldn't even remember why I'd come here in the first place, and I guess I had accomplished my task.
A girl slid up to my side, wrapping her arm around my waist.
She said something I couldn't hear over the ringing in my ears. I tried telling her I wasn't interested, but I couldn't form any words.  The Vodka was doing it's job, so I assumed it was about time to head out.  This was about the most drunk I'd gotten in a long time, even before I was sent to...that place.
I stumbled out of the club onto the sidewalk.  I realised I had no idea where I was.  Which way had I come from?  Well, let's try this way.  Who cares where I end up?
After a few minutes, the cold air cleared my head just enough to realise things started looking familiar.  Only a block or so until I got home.
I finally reached the building we lived in, and I began climbing the steps to the 3rd floor. 
I got to the top by some crazy miracle, only to carley hear my name being called.  I turned my head, making it even more dizzy.  My blurry vision made it hard to tell who was running toward me, but soon Harry's face came into focus.
He started talking urgently, asking questions that I couldn't answer, considering I could barely understand him.  
He took my arm, leading me into my flat and towards my bedroom.  I just followed him blindly.  He sat me on the bed and put a waste bin next to me. 
I could kinda hear what he was saying, telling me to lay down.  I did as I was told and he tossed a blanket over me.  Leaving, he shut off the lights and closed the door, saying one more thing that sounded something like "goose flight".  Freakin weirdo.
I just layed in the darkness, allowing the calmness of sleep take over and save me from this terrible reality.