I am going to cry , HARD , to a point where I won't be able to breathe. Happy tears & sad tears. I'm going to wish I had HIM laying down next to me, cuddling me in his arms. Scratch that - I'm going to wish I had ANY BOY to do that. To love me as unconditionally as Noah loved Allie. I'm going to picture him & I laying in the streets , being in the canoe in the POURING rain , fixing up the disgusting old house , our FIRST TIME. I'll be hugging my pillows wishing he were here , see his eyes the first time we ever met like a movie in my head , the signs I was so oblivious to. If there were a movie made of me watching this movie , you'd think my life is the saddest thing ever. But in actuality , I'm excited to be the most  vulnerable teenage girl on earth tonight.