just know that i tried my best.
you think i'm heartless and cruel
but all these things you say
i learnt them all from both of you.
i was never the favourite kid.
i must have kept a strong streak in second place.
how could you both make me feel so great yet insignificant?
just know that for the longest time i was living for you.
grades, friendships, barbeques...somehow everything was to make you proud.
i was hanging onto every compliment,
why is it that i could keep count?
when i drew the line. no, when you both forced me to build this wall, it was also for you.
how many things did i keep from you?
how many nights did i wish that you weren't my parents?
how embarassing at my big age i still feel stuck in this place.
just know that i was trying my best.
i didn't respond but still paid all your bills well before the due date.
if i was no longer the quiet kid who did well on their own,
then now i was the distant adult who you could still depend on.
it's so painfully superficial, my heart can't find rest.
you adored the others for merely existing yet scorned at me for failing tests.
i'm sorry for my past self who fought so hard.
surely i could forgive myself for throwing in the towel.
surely they won't notice i've given up on them now.
Dudu*