Just a shout out to show my gratitude...
and I'd like to thank...
Jesus, my savior. For showing me all of these reasons to live when I really needed the reminder.
My friends. Megan, Kali, Victoria, Alexis, Emily. You guys have always been there to support me when I want to laugh, when I want to cry, or when I want to laugh until I cry. You guys can always comfort me when I need it the most. The little notes that you leave on my papers in school really help me on days like these. I love that you understand me when I just want to talk and I can trust all of your shoulders to cry on.
Jodi Picoult, for the books she wrote letting me cry over someone elses problems for once.
Lisi Harrison, for the stupid childish drama in her series that makes me laugh.
Barbara Parks, for the Junie B. Jones series that I loved as a child and will only read in the darkest times.
Maybelline, for the eyeliner that runs down my face so much when I cry that I can laugh at my reflection.
My bruises, that remind me that I hate pain.
My church family, that has been with me through Christian camp and been there for me in my need.
My Girl Scout family, who come with me on those trips and remind me to be safe and don't do anything I might regret.
My colorguard family, Susie, Marissa, Heather, Monica, Mickenna, Jordan, Stehanie, Aimee, Liz, Aliyah, Gabbie. You guys are always there to encourage me and help me get the moves or tosses when it feels imposible. Your reassurance sticks with me on and off the field. I love that you want me there, I love that you need me there, I love that you care about me being happy there. You are the first to notice when I am feeling depressed. People like you all are just what I need. You are truly my sisters.
My rifle, Ophelia. I sure take beatings from you! But when I can't handle it, for some reason I will always catch you. You hit me and bruise me and break me only when I am tough enough to handle it. Sometimes it feels like you know me more than some people.
The sport of colorguard in general. I can go outside and trow my anger 20 feet into the air and catch it when it comes back at me, ready to break. I don't know what I would do without this sport. I may be crying at the end of a competition, but only because I love it so much.
The school. For sometimes not picking on me when I do something dumb.
My witty sisters. For loving my quotes and talking to me about things I may not even want to mention with my friends.
My witty enemies. For giving me someone to bitchh at when I am mad.
Hot showers, to wash away the horrors of the day.
The snow, the beautiful snow. I love it. It feels like peace and sweet and clean and pure and clam.
This list, for being longer than the other one.
You, for reading all of this.
And I am gonna thank God again, for giving me these reasons to be happy.
This is why I decided not to kill myself tonight.