I felt so bad throughout the day that I got out of the house and just walked. Walked through the dark streets, only ever illuminated at each block by a dim streetlight and those occupied houses of dysfunctional families. Maybe I should've taken a battery-powered torch. The only sounds of the night being the crunching noises of the broken asphalt beneath my feet, family cars coming home from a long day of work, siblings screaming at each other of the most trivial things, stray cats fighting, teenagers and their secondhand motorbikes zooming, and the wind blowing violently through my long hair and past my face. Despite the noise, that comforted me with life all around, I was still afraid - why did I come? What if something happens to me? What if I get lost? I've never come through this way before. It was awfully cold on my bare shoulders and legs, maybe I should've wore more than a pair of shorts, an off-shoulder top, and overworked pair of flip-flops. Maybe I should've washed my hair, it was greasy, from all the sweat that built and dried from washing cars and cleaning the house. Hours of hard work and plenty aches, just so I could see the smile on my father's face when he gets home after a whole week of being away. Maybe it wouldn't matter what I looked like, or that my cat was missing, or that my mom was sad that my life is wasting away every day. Or maybe she is sad because some palm-reader on the East told that I wouldn't live long; nature might take me. Maybe what is seen easily will be overlooked by the overwhelming joy of the return. Maybe, maybe. Needless to say, there was lot more to the walk than I'd anticipated. Each step held fast and released another weight, another story I would disregard and regard into nonchalance. I'm doing good thus far, I have long ago come to terms with the balance of life and how so often it can drop you and raise you to the tip of your toes. I am capable of understanding, I promise I'll at least try even if it's almost impossible. That's how I was raised, to believe all is possible and all will be well.
I eventually traced my steps through the unfamiliar paths and walked back home - feeling worse, yet better.
utero