theWalrus's Quotes

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 5, 2013 11:30pm UTC

"Kik me!"
I'd be glad to. Just let me go put my cleats on so we can do this right.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 24 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 7:48pm UTC

Who understands those rap guys

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 7:44pm UTC

oh. my. god.
Becky, look at her butt

👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 5:16pm UTC

I'm a teenage girl
My BFF Becky texts me
and said she's kissed Johnny.
Well that's a problem
cause I like Johnny.
Now, I'm emotionally compromised.
I'm all OMG Becky's not even hot

👍 this is good · read the comments · 50 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 3, 2013 12:43am UTC

I hate how seriously people take themselves.
Like, if you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 8:39pm UTC

Ways to tell if a woman's mad at you:
1) She's quiet
2) She's yelling
3) She acts the same
4) She acts different
5) She murdered you

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 8:32pm UTC

cat-bounce.com

👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 5:07pm UTC

Other girls:
Guys who like me:
-ugly guys
-as*holes
-dating my friend
-weird guys
Me:
Guys who like me:
-wait am I missing something here

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 4:41pm UTC

I don't understand why people call each other fake.
Fake what? Fake people? What does that make me?
a porcupine? a lemur? the devil? Disguised as a person?
But really a fake? What the f*ck am I?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 4:27pm UTC

Every mother gave birth to a child,
except my mom,
She gave birth to a legend.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 4:04pm UTC

No one is born hating another person
because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion.
People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love,
for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 3:57pm UTC

Two things:
1) Where have you been all my life?
2) Can you please go back there?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:33pm UTC

When *god* made me:
1 tsp. funny
1 tsp. smart
1 tsp. lazy
1 tsp. quiet
1 tsp. awkward
1 tsp. Attracti....
oh wait we're out of attractive and graceful!!!!
Hurry, throw in the whole bucket of awkward!!!!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 1:17am UTC

You having your red dot special?
Communists in your funhouse? Crimson tide?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 1:07am UTC

All I wanted was to eat the chicken
that is smarter than other chickens
and to absorb its power

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
July 28, 2013 12:04am UTC

imagine if you called the wrong number and it ended up being a celebrity.
"mom?"
"I don't know who you are, but I will find you, and I will kill you."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
July 27, 2013 5:22pm UTC

I dig,
you dig,
we dig,
she digs,
we all dig.
it's not a beautiful poem but it is deep

👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
July 25, 2013 10:08pm UTC

At any given time, the urge to sing
"The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
is just a whim away
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

👍 this is good · read the comments · 40 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
July 25, 2013 1:48pm UTC

Today I cut my finger on a ketchup packet at work.
Then 6 hours later I was emptying ketchup pumps
And it got all in my papercut and burned and
I have never felt so victimized by a condiment in my life

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
July 24, 2013 4:04pm UTC

I would probably describe my style as mostly homeless
with a small pinch of not giving a sh*t

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

Witty Profiles

theWalrus