Witty Profiles

theWalrus

1. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   September 12, 2013 9:29pm UTC
   When Miley Cyrus is naked & licks a hammer
   it’s “art” and “music”.. but when I do it,
   I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot”
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
2. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   September 12, 2013 1:13pm UTC
   click to see this quote
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
3. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   September 11, 2013 6:41pm UTC
   Sunburn couldn't make you
   appealing man
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
4. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   September 11, 2013 6:29pm UTC
   I never f/ucked a clock,
   I'm not into doing time
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
5. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   September 11, 2013 12:53pm UTC
   Eat whatever you want,
   and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight,
   eat them too.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
6. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   August 25, 2013 1:41am UTC
   click to see this quote
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
7. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   August 25, 2013 12:25am UTC
   "Hey do you have a vine?"
   yea man, I just don't know why you are so interested in my grape growing business though
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 5 points
8. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   August 25, 2013 12:15am UTC
   click to see this quote
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points
9. theWalrus
   posted a quote
   August 24, 2013 10:09pm UTC
   Most days, my life goals include
   me being a homeless person in Hawaii
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
10. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 22, 2013 12:44am UTC
    So I work at a fast food place
    and today this guy who looked like he was in his 30s
    came in and I handed him his bag of food and he said
    "I wish I could put you in this bag and bring you home with me"
    and then left. What.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
11. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 1:40am UTC
    Even though I hated most people in high school,
    I will go to my renunion only so I can wear makeup for the
    first time in front of them and not wear sweatpants,and
    everyone will be like "dang, she got hot" and I will laugh
    at all the football players who got fat and just be like
    "later b|tches"and go home and play with my cats.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 15 points
12. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 1:31am UTC
    When my friend was little
    she thought a store in our city was heaven.
    It was all dark inside the store so she thought
    old people went in there and layed down forever
    and that was how people went to heaven
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
13. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 12:46am UTC
    I don't get why people say "I don't give two sh/ts"
    Like, I know you won't give two, but can I bother you for one sh\t? Please? It's for the children.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
14. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 12:40am UTC
    Just bought myself my first smartphone for my 19th birthday
    Now someone lead me to the temple race and instant grahams
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points
15. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 18, 2013 12:16am UTC
    Witty: Boys are so mean
    Witty: OMG SUICIDE IS BAD
    Witty: I'm so in love
    Witty: It's not my fault I'm wittyfamous
    Witty: WHY AM I SO UGLY
    Witty: I'm 12 and haven't been kissed yet. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
    Witty: Controversial topic no one knows anything about
    Me: For fuc|k's sake
    Me: Time to watch more shark week reruns
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
16. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2013 12:54am UTC
    *At work*
    Guy: How should I get my hair cut?
    Girl: You should get a buzz cut
    Guy: No, I would look too much like a potato
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
17. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 10, 2013 12:29am UTC
    I just discovered a downside to the thigh gap:
    Dropped popcorn falls through there and lands on the floor. Every time.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
18. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 9, 2013 12:55am UTC
    I don't care who you are
    but it your profile doesn't play music, I love you
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 5 points
19. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2013 11:47pm UTC
    *Watches shark week*
    "The blue shark will eat until it throws up then continue eating"
    I think I've discovered my spirit animal
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
20. theWalrus
    posted a quote
    August 8, 2013 12:42am UTC
    When I was little I fell asleep on the couch
    and woke up in my bed
    Now I fall asleep on the couch
    and wake up in a new bugatti
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 7 points

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