mztweety585's Quotes

mztweety585
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 7:44pm UTC

life isnt about
finding yourself.
life is about creating
yourself.

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 7:32pm UTC

Im Just A Girl Trying
To Find A Place In This
World!!!

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 27, 2012 7:24pm UTC

For Sale:
One Heart..
Horrible Condition.
Will Take Anything For It...
Please,
Just Cut It Out Of My Chest,
And End This Suffering!!!

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:45pm UTC

Mommy's Balloons
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:38pm UTC

Deadly Fruit
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:34pm UTC

Little Johnny Parks His Car
Little Johnny awoke one night to hear strange noises coming from his parents bedroom. When he opened the door his dad was on his mom naked . He said"Dad what are you and mom doing? His dad told him "I'm parking my car in yours mom's garage. Go back to bed."
Well the next day, the girl next door came over to play with johnny. He said " I have a new game for us to play." what's it called the girl replied . It's called parking the car . Wanna try it he said. Sure said the little girl.
Well Johnny tells her how to play and they get off to a good start. A few minutes later all you can here is little Johnny screaming . His mom rushes into the room and says" what the hell is going on here? . The girl tries her best to explain. She said "You see we were playing park the car and johnny got his car all most all the way in. The back tires wouldnt fit so I cut them off

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:30pm UTC

Pee in a cup
Once there was a man who walked into a bar and starting talking to the owner of the bar.
He said, "I bet you 300 dollors I can pee into that cup and not a drop out of the cup."
The bar tender laughed and said, "Ok, sure. 300 dollars." So the man said, "Ok one second," and walked away.
When the man came back he said, "Give me a small cup." And the owner gave him one.
The man started peeing all over the owners bar and the owner starting laughing.
The owner said, "You didn't get a drop in, so you owe me 300 dollars"
And the man said, "Well I just bet that guy over there 500 dollars that I could pee all over your bar and you would laugh about it."

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:17pm UTC

Sat 02/27/10 09:19 AM
> > Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
> > A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
> >
> >
> > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
> > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
> >
> >
> > Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
> > A: No, not at all.. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
> >
> >
> > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> > A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
> >
> >
> > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
> > A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
> >
> >
> > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> > A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?
> >
> >
> > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
> > A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
> >
> >
> > Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
> > A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!
> >
> >
> > Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
> > A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.
> >
> >
> > Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
> > A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
> >
> >
> > Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
> >
> >
> > AND.....
> >
> >
> > For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
> >
> >
> > 1. The Japanese eat very little fat
> > And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> >
> >
> > 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat..
> > And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> >
> >
> > 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine.
> > And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> >
> >
> > 4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine.
> > And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> >
> >
> > 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats.
> > And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> >
> >
> > CONCLUSION.....
> >
> >
> > Eat and drink what you like.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
Speaking english is apparantly what kills you!!

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 7:04pm UTC

Me: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: What for?
Me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS. What do you f*cking think for?

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 6:59pm UTC

In Kindergarden*
Me: Daddy, whats 1+1?
Dad: Google it.
*In third grade*
Me: Dad, whats 3x7?
Dad: Google it.
*In fifth grade*
Me: Dad, whats 2(6x3)+7?
Dad: Google it.
*In seventh grade*
Me: Dad, whats p7+d4-m3=n7+5b-8
Dad: Google it.
*Me now*
Me: *Googling the answer to a math problem*
Dad: What in the world doyou think your doing? That's cheating! You are smart enough to figure out a simple math problem! What, do you not pay attention in class? Are those friends of yours distracting you? Do I need to get into this? Do you need a tutor? Tell me now! Google is NEVER the answer!!!!!
Me: O.O

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 6:59pm UTC

In Kindergarden*
Me: Daddy, whats 1+1?
Dad: Google it.
*In third grade*
Me: Dad, whats 3x7?
Dad: Google it.
*In fifth grade*
Me: Dad, whats 2(6x3)+7?
Dad: Google it.
*In seventh grade*
Me: Dad, whats p7+d4-m3=n7+5b-8
Dad: Google it.
*Me now*
Me: *Googling the answer to a math problem*
Dad: What in the world doyou think your doing? That's cheating! You are smart enough to figure out a simple math problem! What, do you not pay attention in class? Are those friends of yours distracting you? Do I need to get into this? Do you need a tutor? Tell me now! Google is NEVER the answer!!!!!
Me: O.O

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 6:33pm UTC

If A Man Hits A Female
He Is Not A Man!!!
He Is Considered As A
Little Azzzz Boiiiiii

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 4:52pm UTC

Skittles
(S) (S) (S) (S) (S)
SkittlesTasteTheRainbow!!!!!!!

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 4:44pm UTC

M&Ms
(m) (m) (m) (m) (m) (m)
MAKES YOU WANT A BAG NOW ........

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 1:41pm UTC

He picked me up,
PUT ME IN A PLASTIC BUCKET
FULL OF WATER, AND ROLLED ME
DOWN A HILL. THEN MY DAD
PLAYFULLY TACKLED HIM AND LET
POUR WATER ON HIM. THEN HE CAME
AFTER ME ALL WET AND PICKED ME
UP IN A HUGE HUG.
#BESTNIGHTEVER

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 2:13am UTC

<3LIFE IS TO SHORT
TO WAKE UP WITH REGRETS
LOVE THE PEOPLE WHO
TREAT YOU RIGHT &
FORGET THE ONES WHO DONT!
BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS
FOR A REASON.IF YOU GET A
CHANCE-TAKE IT IF IT CHANGES
YOUR LIFE- LET IT
NOBODY SAID
LIFE WOULD BE EASY THEY
JUST PROMISED IT
WOULD BE WORTH IT<3

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 2:00am UTC

Life is like an hourglass...eventually.everything hitsthe bottom...And all you haveto do is wait it outuntil someonecomes along andturns it around....

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 1:51am UTC

Hard times dont last foreverBut true friends do!!!I'll always be thereFor anything you need...Even if its just someone to listen.

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mztweety585
posted a quote
May 26, 2012 1:46am UTC

Memories Dont Live Like People Do!!!!!

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mztweety585
posted a quote
February 29, 2012 5:29pm UTC

Love one another and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that

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