You don't know what you want! You let your friends control you, They tell you not to do something you don't do it. They tell you who they think is good for you and who isn't so you believe them rather than listen to your own mind and heart. Says you don't have a mind or heart of your own becuase every decision you make is from what your friends tell you is best for you so it is their minds and hearts running your life. Happy one day, not happy the next because it all goes by what all your friends want you to do and you are not being true to yourself. If you are so happy then why do you still self harm, why do you still get depressed, why do you still drink, why do you still do all the stuff you've been doing to destroy yourself all this time. You are no different than you were before because you let everyone else control what you think, feel and do! Whatever friend is in you life now and is closest to you that is the one you follow in your thinking, feeling, and decisions. You are just an empty shell that you let your friends fill up with their wants for you. Ever think they tell you the advice they do so they can control you and have you doing exactly what they want so you will always be there for them? They don't give a crap about you, they only want you there to be there for them and for them to have someone to chill with and that's why they tell you what they think is best for you. They don't tell you what is best for you becaue they care about you , they tell you what they think is best for you so they can keep you with them so they are not alone. Wake up and smell the coffee, The minute those friends get a guy they really like they will dump you in a minute then you will be sitting there all alone in your misery. We are done, so done, I don't need a person like you, now or ever.