Everyday gets Easier
Chapter 4
Part 2
She nodded in excitment. "Okay well it is my drug dealer. His name is Dan. We are texting about prices!" I grin at my response and I can't help but laugh! Me and a drug dealer? A drug dealer and I?Hahahaha Too funny! I swear I am the biggest goodie too shoes out there! Of course this only infuriated her more.
"Okay druggie! Be suspicious and do not tell me. I mean really? I am your older sister. You are supposed to tell me EVERYTHING! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT!?!?!?! IT IS A PRIVILEGE FOR YOU TO BE MY SISTER!" She replied with rage.
Choose the right words. But when I went reply with my mouth completely open I closed it, knowing that I would be better off by not saying anything. You are better off not saying anything at all. So I just wired my mouth shut and just stood there. Frozen. Statuesque. She began to maliciously laugh.
"I swear Peyton. You do not even understand how geat it is to have me as a sister. I am the sister your friends dream of." The thing is though she is right. Many of my friends including Emma tell me how "Oh Dani is so nice!", "She is so nice to everyone", "How could you not like her?", and "I can't see your sister doing that! You must be mistaken"... I have heard it all. My sister puts on a good show for my friends doesn't she? Or maybe she just enjoys making me feel worthless. Either way here we are. Almost everyday. In the kitchen where Dani yet again rips me to pieces until I am bare and exposed.
You would think I would get used to it? But the truth is you never do. You never get used to the verbal abuse. It is like a cut in your heart. When people are constantly putting you down, especially your family who are the few people on this Earth that are supposed to care for you, it is like someone is pulling at the cut. At first you just let it go. But then, the worst part of it all is that it sinks in. You feel every emotion that is said through thoughs words. Anger, frustration, disappointment, disapproval. All there and more. Then you begin to question yourself. Am I really that annoying?
"I just wanna run, hide it away
Run because they're chasing me down
I just wanna run, throw it away
Run before they're finding me out
I just wanna run
I just wanna run
I'm out here all alone
I try to call your house
Can't reach you on the phone
I'll gather up the nerve
I'm packing up my bag
It's more than you deserve
Don't treat me like a drag
I'm feelin' like I keep on talking
I'm repeating
Myself, my words lost all meaning
I keep talking
I repeat myself__"
I kept those lyrics in my mind, I refused to let myself let an ounce of my emotions out because if I do I will gush my feelings like a broken dam. So I stood there emotionless, expressionless and empty.