I remember the day I met her. She was wearing a little miss sunshine hat, and those sleeve gloves that were popular in 5th grade. It was at a birthday party. I then found out we might be going to the same school the following school year, so she gave me her email and told me to email her if I got accepted. I can't remember if I did or not.
She ended up being one of my best friends. I now go to school with her again. But this is high school, and it's much more complicated. At first, we were really close friends. We day-dreamed about Winterball, the school dance, and getting asked by two really cute guys, whom we nicknamed Sir and Hottie. It may sound like something little girls would do, but it was fun. Eventually, we started to grow apart a bit. I was hurt when she teasingly called me a "freak". But I still loved her. Then she called me awkward all of the time, and I was a little annoyed. But I still loved her. And now she's stopped. Finally, she liked this adorable guy, and they were absolutely perfect together. She told me little stories of cute things that happened between them. Sometimes, they were just too much for me. And they started to annoy me. Because she wasn't listening to my stories about the guy I liked. Then we talked about it, and she made me feel really guilty. Then I was frustrated that I felt guilty. Then she started doing it again. And even though I don't have a crush at the moment, I was still annoyed. And I've figured out what it is. I have so much going on that she doesn't even know about, that few people actually do know, and it's all very complicated. And I would love to tell her. I just couldn't hear about how perfect her love life seemed to be going when mine was just so messed up. I didn't mean to hurt her or shut her down. I still love those stories, because they are absolutely adorable. And I will always love her. I will always be there for her. And I didn't mean to ditch her before the dance. It's just, I needed some time alone with one of my old best friends that I haven't seen in a while. But we were all going to hang out at the dance and still have tons of fun. I would have been by her side the whole time at the dance, even if we didn't get ready together. I just really hope she knows that.
Another reason why I have not been super happy about the guy she likes is because when she talks about him all the time, and how cute they are together, it reminds me of one of my old bestfriends. Her name was Ruby. I loved her so unbelievably much, but she was always talking about boys. I was always there for her and her boy talk. I even helped set her up with a few of them. But, of course, I stayed lonely. And it hurt me. She ditched her friends and friendships for boys. And I don't want that to happen to my best friends, ever again. But I can see you slowly slipping away. When he's there, he's all you see. All you hear. Your world revolves around him. And I understand. But even in a relationship, you're going to need your girl friends. You can't live your life with just him and only him, even though it may seem that way.
And I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good friend. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you enough. I'm sorry I wasn't just honest with you about everything. I'm really really sorry. And I hope that you really can forgive me. And that our friendship can be stronger than ever. And that we can talk about anything and everything, and laugh and cry and have lots and lots of fun. And try, our very hardest, to get through high school. Together.
iFeelWittyy