the back specialist
pushed on my back. right where it hurt. i yelped in pain.
"there's no way," he began "that an athelte should be in this much
pain after 6 weeks. this is more than a muscle strain. you need an MRI."
i wanted to sob. right there. an MRI? what could this mean for my dance future..?
i got an MRI. possibly the worst thing i've ever experienced. shaking, pain in my back,
no movement, the machine making horrible noices. the whole time all i could ask myself was
how could this happen
to me?
when it was finally over the results scared me. when the doctor called, my heart stopped.
my mom told me, "you have a stress fracture. a break in part of your back." my jaw dropped.
right then and there, i swear i could hear my heart break. i wanted to break down.
i couldn't believe it. i'd been dealing with a break in my back for all this time,
and not knowing it. i couldn't face the truth.
all i can wonder now is, when i will be able to dance again. if i will be able to dance again. i have to.
i can't go another month without it. it's killing me. all i want to do is dance. dance away the pain.
dance away the sadness. dance away all the problems in my life. just to dance. but right now, all i know is i won't be able to dance anytime soon.
[goodbye my dreams, goodbye my passion.]