FollowUrDreams*

Status: au coeur brise

Member Since: 12 Nov 2011 04:53am

Last Seen: 22 Dec 2013 06:14am

user id: 237288

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Anything relevent to you will be in my quotes.

To the people that care
and
To the people that remember me; Im back.

FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 23, 2013 11:39am UTC

Yesterday I felt my first real heartbreak
My cousin passed away.
It was the first time I truly felt hurt.All the other times I was "hurt" were ridiculous, nothing compared to the inevitable pain I felt last night. I was overwhelmed with tears and there was an invisible structure choking my heart. It was squeezing my heart. It was adding full pressure to my heart. It was strangling it. Making sure it felt the loss.
And I certainly did.
There is an empty piece replacing my cousins beautiful face. I just remember how a few months ago my uncle had the webcam on, and he was showing us his new born baby boy. He had this big beautiful smile on his face. He was wearing a baby blue overall. His wide eyes were staring surprised and overwhelmed at the camera. And we laughed and cooed about how cute he was.
Not having a clue of his tragic destiny.
Or how just three weeks ago, my mother and I went out and bought him toys. And I especially emphasized on getting him a blue small car. And my mum would say that he is too young to understand and I said its for when he grows older.
Little did I know that three weeks later he would pass away. He didn't even get to SEE the toys we sent him.
I'm just thinking of how selfish I am. Of thinking I had problems that were stupid and petty compared to this. To this beautiful baby boys death. To my cousin.
I'm just thinking of how the ache from yesterday is still there. Permanently engraved in my heart. How I was a train wreck. How the tears wouldn't stop coming and how that god dam-n brick in my throat constricted it. And I just couldn't use my voice because it was long lost in my tears. it got lost in the big a££ ocean of tears. It got half way through the ocean and then found out why I was crying then cried itself.
And now I'm on the bus. On my way to school. The very next day. The windows are foggy from our breath's combined to make a barrier against the outside world. I sit here acting like everything is okay.thinking of how no one will know about how broken I was yesterday. How they will treat me like they treated me yesterday . How my Maths teacher will go in and teach the class and ask for my homework not knowing how broken I was yesterday. Or how my study supervisor will tell me to not sit beside my friend not knowing how broken I was yesterday and how much I need to just be with them right. And how everyone in the cafeteria will laugh and joke and go on as If nothing happened not knowing how broken I was yesterday.
And I come to a conclusion;
Life goes on.
Life goes on.
Life still goes the hell on.
And now, as I sit in the third seat in the bus on my way to school, I am sure that; the tears won't stop and the hurt won't go away.
But I'll try stay strong. Ill smile and laugh and go out during break and say I'm fine if anyone catches me in at a vulnerable moment.
And then ill look up and say "thank god for everything" because everything is written and everything is done with purpose. And He knows why this happened. And I can only hope that I will get to see my cousins beautiful smiling face soon. And I'm hoping even more that he can get a better blue toy car to play with in heaven.
//////////
I wrote this yesterday which is why i was heading to school

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 23, 2013 11:30am UTC

Remember when we were so young?
We would be at the park with our mothers and our childhood friends. And we would see the big kids laughing with there friends and just sit there admiring them. Scrutinizing everything they did
with adoration and unusual fear but couldn't wait till we were like them.They looked so cool standing there.They didn't have there mothers with them.They could do it all on there own.They had it all figured out. That's what we thought.We couldn't wait to grow up and be one of those kids.Little did we know.
Those big kids were confused.
Just like we are now.
Too bad we figured that out too late.
Their friends?There was at least two people that secretly hated each other.They may have been mad at each other.Sure, they look like there having the times of there lives,but teenagers are good lies.Its all fake.All those smiles don't mean much.
Each one of those 'big kids' had something going on.
They all had secrets they were hiding.
They all had a burden.
Do you remember that girl with the beautiful long black hair.Did you notice how she has a long sleeved shirt on when everyone else had t-shirts on? That's because her insecurities lead her to harming herself.
How bout that boy wearing the Abrecrombie and Fitch? He is pressurized to keep the wealthy,happy look for the reputation of his father.Or the girl who has one earphone in her ear occasionally laughing at something the guys say? Her parents are going through a divorce and she wants to be as far away from home as possible.Did you look twice at the girl with the ripped jeans? If you notice properly, they weren't bought ripped.She wears them everyday,not because she loves them-like says- but because there the only pair of jeans she has.The only pair of trousers she has because her parents are already working all week in three jobs.
And lastly,the genuinely happy girl
Shes not so happy though
because they all tell her
all there burdens
And we were clueless to this.There happy facade fooling us.
Remember when your mother was at work?And your babysitter was downstairs making you lunch.And you sneaked into your mothers room and took out her pair of red heels. You put them on and felt like a princess.Like your beautiful mother.Thing is, your mother had those heels on when she got fired last week. That's why she had them hidden deep deep down into the closet,because they remind her of the job she lost.Of the money she wouldn't be able to collect for you.
Or how bout that day you broke the beautiful glass candle holder that was on the table and your mum yelled at you?You started crying and then she hugged you and apologized.
That was because your father bought her that on there anniversary.
And she was upset because your father can't buy her anymore of them.
Unless there from heaven
And we couldn't wait to grow up.But now that we did, we'd do anything just to go back.
xx
S.Z

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 22, 2013 1:40pm UTC

First,
you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 22, 2013 1:40am UTC

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the universe.

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 21, 2013 1:42am UTC

Life's but a walking shadow,a poor player.that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more:it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 3:34pm UTC

Western Patriarchy:
A woman wearing revealing clothing is just asking to be rap-ed. If she hadn't worn that short skirt out in public, she wouldn't have been assaulted. It's her fault for dressing like a $lut and then trusting men not to treat her like one.
Western Patriarchy:
Women who wear religious head coverings and hide their skin in public are so oppressed! It's not like she's going to get ra-ped just because a man sees her ankles or neck! Why don't those women stop covering their bodies and just learn to trust men?

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 18, 2013 5:53pm UTC

Instead of giving our vows at me wedding, we'll give each other our wi-fi passwords.

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 18, 2013 4:59pm UTC

She just wants to be the girl you talk about.To be the one that makes your heart beat crazy and for you to say to your boys "she's my baby"

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
November 16, 2013 8:42am UTC

Even the devil had wings once...

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:56pm UTC

In 2013
will the movie 2012 be put in the comedy section?

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:43pm UTC

I cry for the time
that you were almost mine,
I cry for the memories
i'd left behind
I cry for the pain,
The old and the new
I cry for the times
I thought I had you...

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:28pm UTC

Im Falling For A Guy Who's Not Willing To Catch Me.

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:18pm UTC

In a world of 8 billion people,
I want you.

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:16pm UTC

That long sarcastic laugh you do before saying No

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 4:11pm UTC

Focus, Focus, Focus….. chi ching . The lock opened.
“Quickly, quickly guys get him in”
I locked the door and dragged the bed along the floor. With a swipe of my hand. I looked around the room. Blinded by the sun that seared through the mahogany framed windows. I opened the strong rosewood door of the wardrobe while Alexander and Austin dragged an unconscious Ethan off the bed. We all entered into another world. Full of clothes.
“You can run, but you can’t hide”.
I concentrated hard, trying to drain out the mocking, threatening noises in the background.
“Think of a wall, a strong wall”
I whispered to myself.
Forming a barrier is hard. Really hard. It consists of concentration, knowledge and dedication. But most importantly - intention.
A shield, that’s what a barrier is. Something that protects you from the Denominator world. Denominator. The word itself sends chills down my spine, and makes the hairs of the back of my neck stand up. Their like sponges. They soak up your memories and thoughts, just like that.
Alexander and Austin look at me reassuring as we hear footsteps around the room. Each one labelling my death. Austin reaches for my hands, they were drenched in sweat, all sticky with fear. I held onto his hands hard until my knuckles turned white.
“Sir Check in here”
The voice directed towards us. I closed my eyes tight and lost all hope as I felt light ripping into my eyes.
---------------------------------------------
Do you think I should write more?

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FollowUrDreams*
posted a quote
May 23, 2012 11:15am UTC