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dareme_

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 26, 2013 2:52pm UTC

I saw a baby drinking from a straw and she tilted her cup upside down and
it spilled all over her and I was thinking, "What a f.cking idiot?" and then I realized it's a baby and I'm just a terrible person.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 14, 2013 2:35pm UTC

Me as a lawyer
Me: *prosecuting lawyer voice* I have only one question for the defendant, guiltypersonsayswhat?
Defendant: What?
Me: Owned. You're going to jail.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
April 22, 2013 6:35pm UTC

I just saw a guy at Walmart and he looked like Morgan Freeman and he
caught me staring at him and he pointed at me and said, "I am not Morgan Freeman."

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yourcool
posted a quote
April 1, 2013 7:04pm UTC

having a crush is like having that
little piece of rock stuck in your shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you're pretty sure it's gone but then like a half an hour later, you feel it in under your toe and you're like oh no.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
March 28, 2013 8:55pm UTC

Me: What is air?!
Classmate: H2O
Me: That's water. I hope you don't breed.

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chickittylover
posted a quote
March 28, 2013 4:51pm UTC

"My name's Ellie!
Thought you might need a little cheerin' up. I got something to show ya!
I am about to let you see something I have never shown to another human being.
Ever. In my life.
You'll have to swear you will not tell anyone.
Cross your heart. Do it!
My adventure book!
You know him. Charles Muntz, explorer. When I get big, I'm going where he's going:
South America. It's like America... but south!
Wanna know where I'm gonna live?
Paradise Falls, 'a land lost in time.' I ripped this right out a library book!
I'm gonna move my clubhouse there, and park it right next to the falls.
Who knows what lives up there? And once I get there...
Well, I'm saving these pages for all the adventures I'm gonna have.
Only... I don't know how I'm gonna to get to Paradise Falls.
That's it!
You can take us there in a blimp! Swear you'll take us!
Cross your heart! Cross it! Cross your heart!
Good. You promised. No backing out.
Well, see you tomorrow kid! Bye!"

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 13, 2013 3:14pm UTC

i'm so mad that toasters
aren't called tanning breads.

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queen*
posted a quote
March 10, 2013 7:22pm UTC

And then one student said that happiness is what happens when you go to bed on the hottest summer night, a nigh so hot you can't even wear a tee-shirt and you sleep on top of the sheets instead of under them, although try to sleep is probably more accurate. And then some point late,late,late at night, say just a bit before dawn, the heat finally breaks and the night turns cool and when you briefly wake up, you notice that you're almost chilly and, in your groggy, half-counciousness, you reach over and pull the sheet around you and just that flimsy sheet makes it warm enough and you drift back off into a deep sleep. And it's that reaching, that gesture, that reflex we have to pull what's warm-- whether it's something or someone-- toward us, that feeling we get when we do that, that feelings of being safe in the world and ready for sleep, that's happiness.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
March 8, 2013 8:00pm UTC

I wish there was a non a.ssholeish way to say
"Our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of sh//t you do p//sses me off, bye."

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
March 5, 2013 2:40pm UTC

If you ever think your parents are too hard on you, just remember that
Mufasa materialized as a cloud to tell Simba to get his sh//t together.

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sarahmarlowXxx
posted a quote
February 23, 2013 10:59am UTC

BravoSierra's format
That terrifying moment
When everything is happily resolved but the book still has 200 pages left

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
February 12, 2013 10:01pm UTC

so i try to be proud of being single but i just end up hissing angrily at happy couples.

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Delicate*
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 4:44pm UTC

The Girl Code:
1. Thou shalt not date the ex of thy best friend pending three months of a breakup.
2. Thou shalt not date thy best friend's love.
3. Thou shalt not flirt with thy best friend's love, crush, or boyfriend.
4. Thou shall keep thy best friends secrets until death do you part.
5. Thou may not complain about your friends embarrasing you should you embarrass them first.
6. Thou shalt not gossip about thy best friend.
7. Thou hast the right and duty to protect thy best friend from heartbreak.
8. Only those with the title best friend havest the right to post embarrassing pictures of thy friend.
9. Thou shalt never insult thy best friend's other best friends.
10. Thou shalt respect, love, and protect thy best friend until death do you part.

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yourcool
posted a quote
January 12, 2013 2:56pm UTC

i make weird faces in photos because
it's better to look ugly on purpose.

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yourcool
posted a quote
January 12, 2013 2:58pm UTC

the episode where spongebob goes around
asking people if he's ugly and they all run away is basically an 11 minute description of my life.

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