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alright, so i'm feeling even worse today because of this movie i watched in language arts.
it was bullying awareness week or whatever, and we were doing activities all week.
so, we watched this movie, and all the kids were laughing at the screen, except for me.
like, they laughed at things the bullies said, or they laughed at someone getting punched.
i didn't think it was funny at all. i thought it was terrible, and i got to the point where my eyes
started tearing up. then, a section about suicide came on. this teenage girl, she was beautiful
to me. but not to everyone else. i didn't understand. her smile was so bright and i loved it. and
her cute little braids, i can't even explain it. but, she was bullied for being an outcast. she attempted
suicide, by overdosing herself. it didn't work. the students in her school continued to bully her, and
she finally did kill herself. this time, she used a rifle. she was sure to die. and she did. i started
bawling during that time. they read her suicide note out loud, and it made me think of my note.
the one i prepared months ago, and was sure to use it one day. i got better, a little less depressed
i guess you can say, but only for about 2-3 weeks. it was a fun time, trust me. i ignored all drama,
laughed constantly, and acted like the old ciara. but then the bullies came back. anonymous messages,
making me realize who i really am. that nerd who sits in the back of the classroom. the one who rarely speaks.
the one who when she does speak, it's only to give hints to other people that she needs help. even my best friend
couldn't pick it up. i could full out say "help me", and she would continue talking to people who seem more important to
her. little does she know, i'm the one who's really been there, and i'll always be there. i don't understand how she
expects me to help her with some friend drama, when she doesn't help me when im on the verge of killing myself.
i'm just done. it's been maybe 7 weeks clean, and woops. relapse. thank you bullies, you mean so much to me.
so kind, as usual. just making people hurt/kill themselves. give yourselves a pat on the back!
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*ciara *