betterthanbefore

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Member Since: 7 Sep 2011 03:45pm

Last Seen: 18 Feb 2014 10:46pm

user id: 216431

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made this account just for venting and some poetry that i don't feel like editing for favs. love all of you witty girls and if anyone needs help or advice i'm always here.

betterthanbefore
posted a quote
January 11, 2012 4:02pm UTC

But this whole cutting thing is starting to take over my life. No, I haven't cut in about 2 weeks now, but I keep a rubber band on my wrist at all times. Whenever I feel the need to cut, I snap the rubber band on my wrist. I thought this was supposed to help but I find myself snapping the rubber band a lot. Now instead of cuts on my wrists I'm getting bruises on them and red splotches from hitting my skin all the time.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
January 3, 2012 6:31pm UTC

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 30, 2011 11:00am UTC

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 27, 2011 7:34pm UTC

Yes i want to hang out with you, but i refuse to wait around all night for you to text me back. There are other things that i can be doing. I have my other friends too and i'm not always gonna pick you first.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 23, 2011 5:59pm UTC

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betterthanbefore
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December 21, 2011 10:04pm UTC

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 21, 2011 6:25pm UTC

i used to resent you. because after we broke up, every single guy that would walk into my life i would automatically compare to you. i would have to look them in the eyes and make up some excuse for why i didn't want to be with them. i did it time and time again, none of which i'm proud of. i was so mad that you made me like this. i thought that i would never be able to truly connect with anyone ever again. but now, i need to say thank you. thank you for making me compare each boy to you. because of this, i can see how much better he is than you. how much nicer he is to me. how much better i fit with him. and when he tells me that he'll love me "always&forever", i know that i can actually believe him.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 21, 2011 3:27pm UTC

HELP!
i've finally started to wear shortsleves around my boyfriend but i'm scared he's going to notice my scars. i always hide them but i can never be sure. i'm not ready to tell him the truth about my past. i'm better now but i don't want it to scare him off. but yet, at the same time i want him to ask what they are just to prove that someone notices. any advice?

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 19, 2011 5:30pm UTC

it's been 16 days and i still can't believe it's real. you're the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time, but i can't help but fear an ending. how could we possibly remain friends if this end badly? i'm so scared that you're just going to stop liking me one day or get bored. but i know how much you care, how you've never felt this before, well neither have i. i want you forever. it hurts to not be able to see you for a single day.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 15, 2011 8:53pm UTC

day 3- your parents
Dear mom & dad,
thank you for always being there for me. i know that i'm not the easiest person out there and i know that i mainly take out my anger on you guys, especially you mom. but i'm really glad that i'm starting to tell you more stuff about my life like with boys. and daddy, you know that no matter what i'll always be your little girl. i love you to the moon and back. but you need to know how much it hurts knowing that you don't approve of my dreams. daddy i have a passion and i'm not going to go to college to study something that i don't love, it would be pointless and a waste of your hard worked money. i know what i love to do, that's a gift that some people go through their whole lives and never find it. so let me live out my dreams and see where they can take me, even if it means having to suffer a little. and mom, thanks for always believing in me and supporting me through this. even when i was going to give up, you stood with me till the end. and i can never thank you enough for that. i love you both so much. i can never say thank you enough. i love you.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 14, 2011 3:32pm UTC

day 2- your crush
Dear Kevin,
hahaa hi. okay so you know i like you. and i know that you like me. and i absolutely love where we are right now. when i'm with you, nothing else matters. i've never felt this way about a boy before. you make me feel beautiful and i can't even begin to thank you for everything you've done for me over the years. you gave me back my faith in guys and i never want to be without you. i'm so sorry i made you wait so long, but i'm here now. and this isn't going away anytime soon, i'm in it for the long run. thanks for piecing me back together and showing me that there's good in life. i don't know how long i would've lasted without you. thanks for never losing your faith in me and for never giving up.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 12, 2011 7:14pm UTC

but no, this is too good to be true. i'm waiting for my alarm clock to ring and bring me back to my sad reality. but i pinch myself and there you are. staring back at me with eyes that jump from blue to green as the weather changes. i wrap myself up in you and hope you never let go. i feel you next to me, on me, all around me and wish that you didn't have to go. that we could just stay here, wait here forever. it's so much simper when it's just me and you. no one else to have to worry about. you're too nice to me, much more than i would ever deserve and your smile can make the worst of days seem insignificant. i never want to let go of this feeling. the contrast between good and evil burns within me but you help to balance it, you bring out my very best and i wonder how i've made it this long without you.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 12, 2011 4:52pm UTC

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 12, 2011 4:44pm UTC

Gonna do this (:
30 days, 30 letters
day 1- your best friend
day 2- your crush
day 3- your parents
day 4- your siblings
day 5- your dreams
day 6- a stranger
day 7- your ex boyfriend
day 8- your favorite internet friend
day 9- someone you wish you could meet
day 10- someone you wish you could talk to more
day 11- a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12- the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13- someone you wish could forgive you
day 14- someone you drifted away from
day 15- the person you miss the most
day 16- someone that's not in the same state
day 17- someone from your childhood
day 18- someone you wish you could be
day 19- someone that pesters your mind good or bad
day 20- the one who broke your heart the hardest
day 21- someone you judged by your first impression
day 22- someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23- the last person you kissed
day 24- the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25- the person you know is going through the worst of times
day 26- the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27- the friendliest person you know for only one day
day 28- someone who changed your life
day 29- someone you want to tell everything to, but you're afraid
day 30- your reflection in the mirror

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 12, 2011 4:31pm UTC

he makes me so happy, i could sit here just thinking about him for hours. i've never looked at him this way before and i'm not really sure what changed my mind. i guess maybe i've wanted him all this time but was too blinded by society to see. he's always been the one. he's always been there for me when i needed him most. i can trust him and talk to him about anything. he makes me want to love again. he knows how to do all the right things, but at the same time is the nicest boy i have ever met. he'll help me with homework when i feel stupid and kiss me when i'm mad. but the best part is that he's mine. that with him, i don't have to worry about him running off because we've both wanted this for so long. and even though i'm the one with a fear of commitment, he's willing to wait until i'm ready to tell people. but right now i'm ready to scream it through the halls because i just like him so much i can barely handle it. everything is completely falling into place and i'm so scared its going to break and crumble but that doesn't even matter anymore. i can be perfectly content with how my life is right now because he is in it. i just want to be with him, to have him in my arms, to melt a little when i take in his smell and to be ready to fall all over again when i meet his lips. i can't handle the separation. the nights that i'm left alone. i just want him all the time.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 10, 2011 2:34pm UTC

and i think i cut again because of him. no not because he broke my heart or something. believe it or not, we're really happy together. i think i cut just once more because i want him to see the fresh scars on my wrist. i want him to notice them. to ask me what i did, what i've done. i want him to get angry and not let me leave until i explain myself. i know that he cares about me much more than i deserve. so i want to tell him my story. and i know that if he sees them on my wrists, that he won't just ignore it, he'll push and ask until i give him the truth. i think that's all i ever wanted, was to tell someone the truth behind the scars.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 10, 2011 2:03pm UTC

wanna know what cutting does to you? its an addiction. you need it. i haven't cut in months and i still have urges to do it. i'm finally in a good place, with a boy that i can see myself being happy with and that makes me want to cut even more. i want to do it because i can. i've been so strong for so long. and the tears wont fall anymore, so i need a different way to let this out. so those 7 months of being scar-free is all going out the window. because for the first time in a long time. im picking up the blade today.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 4, 2011 6:43pm UTC

i remember loving you from the start
when we were young, i loved you so much
then my love turned into friendship
we were best friends, till the end
and now our friendship is turning into something real
i rejected you from the beginning
but now, i look at you differently
you're showing me the light in my dark world
and you push me till i'm about to break
i don't want to mess this up
you could be the one who fixes me.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
December 4, 2011 5:53pm UTC

what am i getting myself into? i'm the girl who really wants a boyfriend but now i'm running from commitment. i don't know what's gotten into me. he's too good for me. i know i don't deserve him. i've hurt him time and time again and after all that i've done, he's trying harder than ever. he's beautiful with eyes that can't decide between blue and green. he's everything i need and everything i want. he can protect me, he can turn my luck around. why do i doubt myself. he'll drop the world for me and he breaks down the walls that have kept me sane. with him it's different and i can't decide between good or bad. but everything comes with a price, and i don't know if i'm willing to pay. he wants to help, he sees through my fake smiles. he asks me what's wrong when i act happy and i'm almost ready to tell him. he doesn't give up and he pushes me to my limits.. i can't handle the separation anymore i just want to hold him to make sure he's okay. but out of all things that are falling into and out of place, i can say that with him i am better, better than ever, better than before.

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betterthanbefore
posted a quote
November 8, 2011 5:43pm UTC

i knew i should have wrote this down before my doubts got to me. but i constantly amaze myself by how my moods can change with the simplest of actions. i was walking out of gym like any other day and all you did was reach your arm across the hall and let your fingertips linger, shot me with one of those perfectly natural smiles and i felt it. i guess you could call us friends, but lately i never used that word to explain us. we haven't exactly been speaking or hanging out. if i would see you in the hall i would have to make the sudden decision to say hi or look away as if i never saw you, most of the time my nerves couldn't decide so i would just put my head down. you probably thought i hated you for some reason. and then those weeks ago when i found out you hooked up with one of my friends, i couldn't believe it. listen i love her and all, but she's not for you. and i understand your decisions may have been "altered" but it still stung just a little. and thats when i knew it was back. the feelings had returned, just as they always do, but i continued to push them to a small corner of my brain and choose to ignore the urges to text you. but today with the simplest touch, and action that would have never even surprised me just a few months ago, left me stunned and breathless. left me in a better mood than i had been in far too long. and left me with the determination to try again. to try and make things right. to not fight chemistry for what it is. and you can bet that when i see you in the hall tomorrow, i won't be looking down.

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