You know, I see these long, heartfelt quotes every day. And I wonder why I can't come up with them. I mean, I feel the same exact way as some of these people. I guess I just have a hard time putting my feelings into words. It's like why you can't explain why you love a person, but for me I can't even explain my feelings for anything. It's strange, not being able to explain what's going on inside myself. Is this not me? I feel like I should know how to put my own feelings into words. But nope. Ask me why I'm crying or why this happened why that happened, 99.9% of the time I wouldn't be able to tell you. I wouldn't mind it so much, if people kept telling me there was a reason. There is a reason. It has to be something. Honestly, it's nothing. So everything that I feel, everything that has happened, was caused by nothing? I have a hard time believing it myself. So I guess I understand when people say it has to be something. It's just aggravating when they try to force it out of me. They try to convince me that it's something. I think it would have surfaced by now. It's been what, 3 years? I know you're trying to help me by trying to get me to remember anything that may have caused this, but it only makes me more frustrated and angry with myself hearing that it's something and I just can't remember. Why wouldn't I remember? "You've buried it" Oh, well I guess I must have buried it for a reason, bro. I obviously don't want to remember it. If there was anything to remember. I'm positive nothing has happened. Stop telling me something has. Just let me talk to you without having you talk back rationalizing everything. My fears, thoughts and feelings are not rational. I'm not rational. Why does everything have to be explained? Why can't things just be?
This ended up being a lot longer than I planned. Sorry, for wasting your time if you actually read all of this. Just had to get it out and know that maybe someone somewhere was hearing reading how I feel.