Jay's Blue
chapter three;; ragged hints
We've gotten so much closer over the past couple of weeks. I can't help but wonder why, and I overanalyze everything that happens between us. Simple gestures, quiet words, private jokes. Just us two, talking until all hours. My heart feels like it's going to burst - I can't help it. My feelings have increased after James and Alex found out. They tease and tease, but I simply ignore it. My focus is you, and analyzing what we do.
It was a day in the school library. It was lunch, and I was sitting with the three of you - you, Alex and James. We were in the back corner of the library, our usual haunt these days. I sit on the chair, you leaning in the beanbag nearby, while Alex and James sit between us on either side. We are enjoying ourselves - wonderful conversation, sexually-oriented jokes included, and then some serious talk comes up.
See, I've always had self-esteem and self-consciousness issues. Did you know before now? Probably not. And so, we begin to discuss these issues. We talk and talk, until Alex and James slyly suggest you give me a hug to cheer me up. You open your arms, fully prepared to envelope me in your warm embrace, but I hesitate.
Thoughts whirl through my head - does he like me? Is that why he's hugging me? What if he doesn't, and I tell him? Oh, god, I can't handle that. Calm down, Jay. Come on, you can do it, Jay. Just go forward and put your arms around him. Hug him for a few moments, and pull away. You've got it, Jay.
I take a deep breath and go to move, but I am frozen to my seat. I can't do it. I mentally slap my self-esteem issues, and keep myself seated. Later, Alex and James will berate me on not making a move, but for now I'm content with just having you there.
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Chapter three. Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.
Venenum