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Too_Hurt

Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 7:09pm UTC

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 6:39pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part nine- last boyfriend
Now, I am nearing the end of my story. I started dating my last boyfriend on September 23rd. He smoked pot. My friends didn’t like that so they all left me. They started be very mean, along with the rest of people in my grade. No one ever talk to me. But that was okay, I had Derrick.
Well he had to leave me for rehab. A month with no one. I became depressed. It was hard. No one talked to me. I began to break down. Derrick came back and was very mean, so I broke up with him. Then I had no one for sure now.
Dylan saw I was lonely and sad. He took this to his advantage, and told me to hang out with him at the basketball game. Foolish me I agreed. I needed someone. I needed someone to love me. Dylan knew me, and he knew how to take advantage of that. So he said, let’s get out of here so we can talk in private. I followed him…
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 6:28pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part eight- cross country
Cross country season. I was ready for this. I had huge goals. The one place I ever fit in. I was excited. I was doing amazing, my times were getting faster. Everything seemed perfect; but what’s that? Pain in my legs. I tried to ignore it, but it got worse, and worse. I told my coaches and they thought I was lying. They pushed me even harder.
My last meet I ran, hurt. I cried the whole warm up. Why were the people I trusted putting me through this pain? After I went through the shoot, I fainted. They said go get water, and I did… They ended up not taking my number. My coaches didn’t even care that I fainted. They were just mad at me for not getting recorded. They said “ well don’t let this happen at sections” The only place that felt like home became hell.
My mom took me in for MRI’s. I was in lunch, the day was normal. Then I got a call from my mom. I answered it. My legs had multiple stress fractures and my season was over I burst out in tears. Worst part is my coaches barly cared. Then it came to be sections. I went to the meet, instead of being with my boyfriend. I went by the camp to put my stuff down. The boys said “get away, you aren’t part of this team” I shook it off at first. But they said that again.
I felt like I just got hit in the face with reality. They didn’t want me there. They used me. I walked away. ( I would have ran but I had a walking boot at the time) and I cried. I cried so hard. I wanted to go home. My heart broke. I loved me team. And they used me…They replaced me… I was unwanted.
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 6:13pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part seven- summer
Abby is the name on my savior. She convinced me to break up with Dylan. I broke up with him on April 14th. I felt free. Relived. I could do whatever I wanted. I was the best. But, I was a wreck. I immediately reached out for the first boy, and I caught Hayden.
Oh Hayden. He was a dream compared to Dylan. So perfect. So nice. He never yelled at me, and handled me very delicately. After 2 months he started to suggest getting more physical. My body went off like an alarm. He was going to be like Dylan. I had to run before he got closer.
I started to shut him out. Beginning to like him less and less. I ended up breaking up with him in August. Dylan ruined my trust. I can’t let anyone get close to me because If they do I feel like I’m going to get hurt; like history will repeat its self. I don’t want to lose control over myself again. Never again.
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 5:47pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part six- the boyfriend.
Everything seemed to get better. Dylan was like my best friend. We were interpretable. Speaking of friends, He made me lose them all. Why? They tried to help me. They tried to tell me he was ruining me. They tried to tell me to breakup with him, because he was hurting and controlling me. He got mad, and made me never talk to them. I lost everyone.
One person stood with me for most of it. Her name is Tori. She was my best friend. The only person that ever dealt with Dylan’s crap. Then Stephanie came to our school. I remember, me and Tori were sitting in the library and we pinkie swore that we would let Stephanie replace us. Guess what. Tori replaced me with her. It hurt, having no one but Dylan.
That’s one reason I stayed with him. Dylan flirted with a lot of different girls. He would tell me he even liked some girls more than me. He would hit me. It would hurt, but he was just joking. I became stressed out. I got anxiety. Then, it did it. I cut. It wasn’t bad. But I tried to wrap a scarf around my neck to kill myself. It didn’t work out.
Dylan would tell me all the time “If you don’t change; I will dump you” It was hard. SO hard. I can’t even explain what that makes me feel like. I could tell you hundreds of stories of how he was mean to me, but I won’t. Just get the point, it was a bad relationship. But he did cheat on me around 5 times, but he always made it out to be my fault. There wasn’t a day I didn’t go without sheading tears.
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 4:57pm UTC

telling my story
makes me feel sick.

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 1:09pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part five- The mistake.
I remember it as it was yesterday. I remember the setting, I remember the feeling. I was sitting there on the balcony at the school. Surroundings were blurred. I look at Dylan. “Just tell me when you are ready” His voice seemed far away. Distant. My body was screaming. I wanted to run, run away so fast, never looking back. But I couldn’t move. There was no turning back. I felt sick, but I stood up. Dylan smiled, he knew he was going to get what he wanted. He knew he won. And he led me to the place.
Every step seemed big. It seemed so close, yet so far away. The surroundings blurred past me. I was shaking. I was sweating. I felt cold, the screaming got louder in my ears until it was a ringing. “DON’T DO IT” it screamed. Dylan voice went on in my head; “if you love me, you will do it” it was repetitious. The words pounded my thoughts like a drum.
We got there; he kissed me. Everything seem okay and not at the same time. He said are you ready? Not a question, but just being polite. I took a deep breath and blackness struck.
I seemed so wrong. Dear god, why did I do it. I felt gross. I lied to myself. I acted like I liked it. I pretend to be happy. I knew if I told him the truth he would be mad. He would yell at me and tell me mean things. I was afraid. Don’t you dare tell me I had a choice. Because, If someone was in my position, with the same feelings, I doubt they could’ve said no.
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 12:24pm UTC

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 12:11pm UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part three- 8th grade
But, I don’t know. I was so pure before him; So innocent. He robed me of that. He took it all away. He started asking for pictures. Each request slightly got worse. He would butter up his words, making what he was asking seem okay. I loved him, so I did what he asked me. I thought, “Well he loves me, I should do this. He says it’s right, so it must be” Foolish me. Those picture requests came to be naked pictures. I hated it. I hated doing it. I lied to myself and said I like doing it, because this is was people in love do. I was scared. What if people saw? What if people found out? These pictures started to be sent more and more frequently. One day, I was so tired, and told him no. He yelled at me, said I did not love him. It made me cry. I DID love him. So I never said no after that.
After a while of those pictures, he began to want more physical stuff. He wanted to make out. I was afraid. Hahah, like what do you do when you makeout? I was afraid to upset him with my little knowledge of it. We ended up making out at school after his wrestling practice. That day, I came home to my mom. “We need to talk.” She says. I say what is it? She found out about the picture. I got my phone taken away. It was embarrassing. I got my phone back later, but I had restrictions set on it and no picture mail. But that didn’t stop Dylan….
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 11:57am UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part two- The begining of 8th grade
That summer, I became skinny, confident, 'hot' some would say. I started to run. I made varsity my first year out in Cross country. Cross country became my life. It was the first place were I actually fit in. It was amazing. I was good at something in my life. Boy's started to like me more, and everything in that area became easy. I started dating Dylan on September 16th. Little did I know, going out with him would later on be the biggest mistake of my life.
So, cross country. I got ingured, but ran through it. State I sucked. It made me so sad. I tryed so hard throughout the season and I failed. It was hard...There was this girl named courtany. She was in my grade, and was the alternate for state. Everyone wished her luck, and sayed she was such a good runner, but never said anything to me. I was the one who was running. Not her. I tried so hard that season, and I didn't even get reconized.
Anyways, back to the topic. I didn't really like Dylan at first, but then he got a cell phone. That's where it all began. We texted all the time and I had my first kiss in october, after a dance. I was so shy doing that stuff. After that, Dylan started suggesting more things. Such as physical things, and this made me a little scared. I just thought it was all just a joke. I said to myself, I'm not going to do any of that bad stuff. (At that time makeout was bad) Dylan slowly became more controling, but I didn't see it, because I was falling in love.
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 16, 2012 11:38am UTC

My Story
I want to make this in case I deside to end it, so people know what actually happend.
Part one- where it all began
Well, I never really had friends. That made me a b**** in elementray school. 2nd grade, I had my first best friends, but in 3rd grade we were put in different classes, and they cut me out of their group. It hurt. I was bullied. I remember, in third grade, I would always be so mad at the world. I would always ask myself, "What's wrong with me? Why can't people like me?" I would put signs on my door saying to stay out or that I want to die.
This went on. Sixth grade, I really liked this boy, but no boys liked me. Typical story, but it was my first heart break. The boys said I was ugly. I had some friends, But I was mainly only and always a backup friend. My cousins were so mean, on top of that. The would call me a pig whenever i ate, or saying I'm to fat. Along with my three brothers. They would always call me fat.
So in 7th grade, i became anorixic. I was obsessed with what i ate, how i ate it, not eating. My friends, instead of caring, said they didn't want anything to do with me. They left when I needed someone the most. It hurt. I would get bullied. Called a dumb blonde, and just not liked by anyone. Everything I did would be critised.. But that's just my back round. Now, eight grade....that's were it all started to get worse..
If you are still reading, thankyou<3

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 15, 2012 9:30pm UTC

Am I better off dead?
am I better off quiting?

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 15, 2012 8:39pm UTC

i thought i've moved on.
We never really move on, all you can do is find someone else to think about.

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 15, 2012 8:28pm UTC

.
you took my heart and crushed it
without even knowing.

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Too_Hurt
posted a quote
January 15, 2012 8:04pm UTC

&I'd rather stay quiet than
explain my problems to someone who doesn't care ♥