if you want to know what i was thinking about that night, saturday the 24th when he jept asking me to tell him... well in my favorite book, its called heart on a chain, theres a part where the girl is on the swing, swinging with the guy she loves.... here ill just write what happens straight from the book...
i push myself, watching the familiar pattern of grass, fence, neighbors backyard, treetops, then finally sky, deep blue and bright white with fluffy round clouds like mounds of whipped cream placed there; then the whole pattern in reverse, ad then forward again, henry passing in my peripheral vision as he swings beside me. im laughing, and then suddenly im crying, gradually at first with tears running slowly down my cheeks as the laughter tapers off. memories inunduate my mind and soul beginning with the first day i had set eyes on this swing, traveling through the unraveling of my childhood and a loss of a normal life by my parents' hads; through the forced servitude ad starvation and torture; though the beatings at te hands of the woman who should had loved me more than anyone else, and whose death was my fault.
my tears have become great sobs and henry has stopped swinging, calling my name as he tries to slow my swing, to catch me between my flying arcs. he steps behin me , timing it as i swing forward and wraps his arms tightly around my waist, stopping my progress, jerking us both forward with the momentum. he leans backward and i let myself be pulled off the swing.
i drop to the ground in a rounded mass, an he goes with me, curling his body around me from behind, knees against my sides, arms bound tightly about me as he holds me shuddering, heaving form, rocking me as we huddle there together in the dirt and i keen and wail, pourimg out my greif in a way i havet allowed myself since i woke up in the hospital.
yeah, thats what came to my head. he kept asking me what was wrong and i dont think i couldve explained that to him. so yeah if you were wondering... and the only person i would think to wonder would be alison... there you go...
Snuff