NoJudgeMePlease's Favorites

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
November 21, 2012 1:56pm UTC

Gym Teacher: Why are you running so slowly?
Me: It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop - Wisdom of Confucius

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 174 points

CarCar27
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 5:53pm UTC

My oldest brother's best friend
Showed up at my house last night,
Giving me a late birthday card.
On the cover, it read;
"For My Dearest Wife"
He's twenty, and I almost died laughing.

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dancingpurplebunny
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 3:43pm UTC

Reading an angry quote: UGH I feel ya girl!
Reading a funny quote: HAHHAHHAH LOVE YOU
Reading a sad quote: awww </3 I hope everything turns out ok!
Reading a made up love story: I wish that was me! You're a good writer!
Reading a quote about how awesome her boyfriend is: Go away.

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sammy*
posted a quote
November 20, 2012 5:01pm UTC

*Talking about One Direction with my Mom*
Parents: In five years you won't even remember their last names.
Me: In five years it will be my last name.
Mom: What?
Me: what?

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pleasespeaktomyface
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 8:47pm UTC

Have you ever looked at someone and thought,
"You are a future pedophile."

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lovecrazy
posted a quote
November 20, 2012 2:44pm UTC

click to see this quote

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JoeSantagatoTv
posted a quote
November 21, 2012 1:30pm UTC

*Keith brought up condoms*
Joe's Mom: Like that song, Condom Style.
Joe: It's Gangnam Style.

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 18, 2012 3:33pm UTC

me: at the mall
girls: dancing around like idiots in hollister entry
girls: see me, freeze
girls: fall over
me: die laughing

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iridescentstorm
posted a quote
November 20, 2012 3:45pm UTC

click to see this quote

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 7:49pm UTC

I saw a sticky note for
operationbeautiful.com
in the movie theater bathroom.
I assume that's for...
that gay guys that feel ugly?
cool.

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 7:44pm UTC

I like to hug girls hello instead of fist-bumping
because girls get happy if they get to hug someone
and I like hugging a happy girl.

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 18, 2012 3:43pm UTC

I'm drinking juice straight from the carton and my mum walks in.
me: "I can explain..."
and she looks at me and says,
"You'd better drink that. whole. damn. thing."

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 7:35pm UTC

grandma: "Patrick, your hair is so long now!"
me: "Yeah, I guess it is."
grandma: "I wonder if you can put it in a ponytail?"
me: "Yes."
grandma: "Will you put it up for me?"
me:
grandma:
me: "No."
grandma:
me:
grandma: "Can I put it up for you?"
me:
grandma:
me: "No."
me: "Just- no."

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sayheyilyx
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 7:16pm UTC

You're out for a romantic dinner with Niall.
There's only one chicken drumstick left. You quickly try to swoop in and grab it, but before you reach it, Niall picks up his steak knife and cuts your hand off. Blood spurts everywhere.
You die.

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sayheyilyx
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 7:18pm UTC

Someone: I don't like that music.
Fans of metal, rock, etc.: That's okay, everyone has an opinion.
Directioners, Beliebers, and Nicki Minaj fans: GO KILL YOURSELF. YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF THEM.

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thehairycouch
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 2:15pm UTC

Wife: "so, for my birthday I want something in my driveway that go's from 0 to 60 in 2 minutes"
Husband: "ok!"
next day.
Wife: *sees a large-ish box in the driveway*
"oh, haha , very funny Its a weigh scales , is'nt it??"
Husband: "nope, its renesmee cullen!!!!!!"
"Happy birthday!!!"
This is ALL my quote:)

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NoJudgeMePlease
posted a quote
November 19, 2012 2:29pm UTC

This is
about to be
the new most
over-used
format on witty
'stairs'
you're welcome.

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soccertrack
posted a quote
November 16, 2012 4:10pm UTC

click to see this quote

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AWittyGirl
posted a quote
November 15, 2012 12:20pm UTC

*Teacher keeps us 10 minutes late for class*
Him: So who do you have next?
Us: Ms Bourke
Him: OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY SHES GONNA KILL YOU OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME JUST GET OUT RIGHT NOW. RUN. RUN I TELL YOU!
Hahaha this actually happened today!

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NoJudgeMePlease