It was just weight, right? So what was the BIG deal? Oh-right, that was me.
Growing up, I was a bit chubby- I was still at a healthy weight, but the doctors thought it would be better if I lost a few pounds. It wasn't my fault, I wasn't eating extra or anything, it's just that I was born with asthma and in order to breathe easily, I had to take this steroid based inhaler, so it made me a bit heavier than most kids. From the moment I entered school no one ever made fun of me for my weight or anything&I lived my life without even thinking about my weight, until I entered the fifth grade however. I made friends with this girl and she was really sweet and we got along pretty well- until one day she randomly decided it would be fun to make my life a living nightmare. It was a Friday during 'snack time' and I was eating this little snack my mom had packed for me, like everyday, when the girl walked up to me and began calling me names like, 'fat' and telling me to stop eating before I broke the chair, her words were coming to me as a shock and I was afraid- before I knew it, she had half the class join her as they all made fun of me. I felt like just disolving away into my chair- but hey, as she said I was too fat.
As time passed I tried my best to avoid her, but it wouldn't work- her teasing just grew more and more severe, I was fed up- I couldn't take it anymore. Her words were starting to get to me, and whenever I looked in the mirror all I'd see was the person everyone in my class was describing me to be. I decided it'd be best if I began losing some weight, I didn't know how though. I walked into the kitchen and threw away all the snacks we had and decideed that if I just ate less snacks- I'd get skinnier and become accepted . I didn't know what I was doing to myself. Weighing myself became more than just this thing my doctor made me do once a week, it became a habit- before and after every meal I ate, I would weigh myself. There was no change in my weight though. That's when I cut out lunch from my meal plan, who needed that extra Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich anyway? My weight slowly dropped, but it wasn't good enough to stop the teasing. Before I knew it, I was only eating one meal a day in an attempt to lose weight. Time went on and I began recieving these compliments from my family and doctor, little did they know that it was taking forever to lose a few pounds. When I was 11, I was at a 120 pounds- which for my height was okay. I began losing weight rapidly ever I since I had began this new 'diet' I created for myself. Before I could understand what I was doing, I was already at 80 pounds, and to lose that much weight in less than two months was really surprising to me. I loved that feeling I got whenever I noticed that I lost a pound, and that feeling drove me to lose more weight, I was eating very little, but had no clue that it would ever be life threatining.I continued losing more and more weight. The teasing quieted down, but it was still there. The words of others no longer affected me, the only thing that I hated was this voice in my head that told me I wasn't good enough yet. One day I woke up extremely dizzy and light headed, everything around me seemed like a blur and I was really weak. The next thing I knew I was at the hospital, the doctor talking to my mom about an 'Eating Disorder' and my 11 year old mind didn't yet know what that was, I was just 'dieting' like all the adults did. But those two words were scary to me when the docotr actually explained what it was. I was scared. I felt helpless, like I didn't know what to do. I began seeing this doctor and I would talk to her about everything on my mind, it all continued until just last year. I've been through treatments for all this and have gotten through it, but it's still there- that feeling that sometimes I'm not good enough, but then I say to myself- who are they to tell me who I am? Why should they tell me how to live my life? It's not easy to overcome something like that, and you'll never really understand how painful it is until you go through it.
But you'll never realize how great your life really is after you over come it.
You can make it through anything.
Just really believe you can.
ImNotWeirdUrNormal