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Eli22bhappy witty anniversary!

  1. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 24, 2013 3:48am UTC
    Some fashion tips for this coming school year:
    - Ankle length Uggs are the biggest mistake since crocs.
    - Sparkly Uggs are even worse
    - Do not, and i repeat, DO NOT wear open toed shoes in January. You're crazy
    - Band t-shirts are like jesus for lazy days.
    - Please wear a sports bra if you're only going to wear a sweatshirt, I'm begging you
    - Colored jeans are a no no if you have wide hips, they make them look 10 times larger. Neutral colors are ok, but yellow and blue is a no.
    - Snooki's hair bump is not ok to wear in school. Neither is heavy eye shadow
    - I swear to God if you're wearing a heal over 2 inches I will stab you with it
    - Dont wear a scarf with yoga pants
    - I swear to God if you get 3D nails I will personally hunt you down and kill you

  2. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 21, 2013 5:28pm UTC
    Zayn and Perrie are engaged and
    I'm not oK I REPEAT ELI ISNT OK WHERE IS MY FOOD IM NOT OK STOP WHY WHAT WHY NO IM NOT OK I REPEAT NOT OK

  3. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 19, 2013 4:51am UTC
    "If you don't support gay marriage, thats like... really embarassing." - Tyler Oakley

  4. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 15, 2013 5:21pm UTC
    Today I learned that
    if you murder someone on an unregisterd boat in international waters, then throw the body overboard they can't trace it back to one legal system. Then you can't be prosecuted for their murder.

  5. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2013 10:54pm UTC
    Something to know:
    If you insult me I'm either going to be really sarcastic or insult you a hundred times worse.

  6. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 12, 2013 3:12pm UTC
    Everything I hate: Volume One
    - Slow wifi
    - No wifi
    - Most people in my town
    - Close minded people
    - Openly judgemental people(they arent afraid to insult you without regard for your thoughts or feelings)
    - People who insult Lady Gaga's fashion sense
    - People who think having more money makes them better than everyone
    - People who think being bisexual isnt a thing
    - People who have to argue with everything
    (ex. "Want some bubble gum? its really good" "well not EVERYONE likes bubble gum" )
    - Slow lines at the store
    - Pepsi max
    - When you want to text a picture and it takes hours to send
    - When you press send but it doesnt send
    - When someone who is a year older than me calls me "kid"
    - Teachers who hate you for no reason
    - The mini candy bars
    - Studying
    - Summer homework
    - Those pencils that the led breaks every five minutes
    - People who snoop through my phone
    - Sneaky parents
    - Hypocrites
    - Probably you lol

  7. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 9, 2013 4:54pm UTC
    We accept the food we think we deserve.

  8. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 9, 2013 3:14am UTC
    Fav this if you've ever been personally victimized by Regina George.

  9. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 6, 2013 8:51pm UTC
    Write me a letter!
    Dear _______________,
    I ______ you. You have a nice ______. You make me _______. You should _______. Someday I will ______. You + me = ________. If I saw you now I’d __________. I want to ________ you. I would build a _______ just for you. If I could sing you any song it would be _________. We could __________ under the stars.
    Love,
    _______________
    (P.S. ______________.)
    I might follow you if I deem worthy enough.
    Feel free to take this letter thing if you want, it is not mine anyway.

  10. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    August 6, 2013 7:57pm UTC
    How to attract the common white girl:
    - Sit in a circle of uggs
    - Pour Starbucks all over yourself
    -Play A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton really loud
    - Sit and wait

  11. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2013 10:45pm UTC
    Just imagine:
    You're walking down the street and run into a homeless man. Instead of asking for food or money, he simply says "May I please have your soul?". Thinking the man is crazy, you kindly say yes. He places his hand on your chest for a few seconds, smiles, then walks away without another word. Its now over a month later, your fiance left you, your parents stopped calling, you lost your job and your dog ran away. In a matter of weeks you'll be kicked out of your apartment and then be on the street. Realizing this all happened after the old him "took your soul", you run back to where you met him last. He's sitting there on the street corner, watching the cars ride by. Running up to him you begin to shout "SIR, SIR, PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY SOUL, PLEASE". You're now in front of him on your knees, begging for your soul. The man simply wiggles his finger at you, shakes his head and holds out his hand. In his palm is two quarters, a dime and two pennies. Sixty-two cents. You realize what has happened. Your soul is now in possession of the flying dutchman.

  12. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 30, 2013 12:44am UTC
    One. Thousand. Followers.
    thank you so much

  13. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 27, 2013 5:34am UTC
    Am I the only one with like 30+ future celebrity spouses?

  14. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 24, 2013 2:37pm UTC
    Friend: Lady gaga's music is all giberish.
    Me: Ok ra-ra-ah-ah-ah is not giberish.

  15. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 12, 2013 10:34pm UTC
    I really wish I knew sign language,
    it'd be pretty handy.

  16. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    July 6, 2013 12:07am UTC
    You know whats odd to me?
    Numbers that aren't divisable by 2.

  17. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    June 29, 2013 10:06pm UTC
    Why is Ed Sheerans voice not a candle scent yet?

  18. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    June 27, 2013 1:22am UTC
    The media loves to talk crap about celebreties
    but my favorite thing is that they can't find anything
    to say about Ed Sheeran so he just gets worst dressed
    every time.

  19. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    June 22, 2013 12:22am UTC
    If animals can be adorably fat than why can't I?

  20. Eli22b Eli22b happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    June 4, 2013 9:52pm UTC
    So the other day I was walking and eating a popsicle and the top of it fell off
    and landed on the ground. So I just stopped and stood there, looking at this poor pathetic piece of popsicle. It's very existence melting away and I just I don't understand why bad things happen to good people and omg what is wrong with me.

:)

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